Friends S5EP05 英文剧本（Free scripts)

The One With All the Kips

---

Written by: Scott Silveri

Transcribed by: Eric Aasen

---

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, 3:02 A.M., Chandler is up. There's a knock on the door and Chandler answers it.]
Monica: (quietly) Hi!
Chandler: (quietly) Hi! (They both start kissing.)
(Joey enters and Chandler pushes her away.)
Joey: Monica? What time is it?
Chandler: Uhh, 9. (He pushes the clock into the sink.)
Joey: But it's dark out.
Monica: Well that's because you always sleep to noon, silly! This is what 9 looks like.
Joey: I guess I'll get washed up then. Watch that sunrise. (He goes into the bathroom.)
Monica: I'm really getting tired of sneaking around.
Chandler: I know, me too. Hey! Y'know what if we went away for a whole weekend? Y'know we'd have no interruptions and we could be naked the entire time.
Monica: All weekend? That's a whole lotta naked.
Chandler: Yeah, I can say that I have a conference and you can say you have a chef thing.
Monica: Ohh, I've always wanted to go to this culinary fair that they have in Jersey!
Chandler: Okay, y'know your not though. Let's go. (He starts for his bedroom.)
Monica: Wait! What about Joey?
(Chandler opens the bathroom door to reveal Joey passed out on the toilet with a toothbrush in his mouth.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
Monica: (entering from her room) Hey, guess what I'm doing this weekend! I'm going to this culinary fair in New Jersey.
Phoebe: Oh weird, Chandler just told us he's got a conference there!
Monica: Oh now that-that-that's funny, it seems like Chandler's conference could've been in Connecticut or Vermont.
Chandler: I'm not in charge of where the conference is held. Do you want people to think it's a fake conference? It's a real conference.
Ross: (entering) Hey.
Joey: Hey!
Monica: Hey.
Ross: Is Rachel here? I gotta talk to her.
Monica: No, she's out shopping.
Ross: Damn!
Chandler: What's going on?
Ross: I told Emily to come. And I just need to y'know, talk to Rachel about it.
Phoebe: Wait a minute! So when Emily comes you're just, you're not gonna see Rachel anymore?
Ross: Well look, I'm just trying to focus on the "I get to see my wife," part, all right? And not the part that makes me do this. (He takes a big swig of Pepto Bismol.)
Monica: Wow, so you guys are, you're never gonna be in the same room together? How is that even gonna work?
Ross: I have no idea. I mean… But-but I assure you I will figure it out.
(They all reflect briefly on what was said.)
Joey: Doesn’t seem like it's going to work, I mean…
Rachel: (entering) Hi, guys!
Joey: Hi!
Chandler: Uh, hey!
Rachel: What's going on?
Chandler: We're flipping Monica's mattress.
Joey: So I'm thinking, basically we pick it up and then we flip it.
Phoebe: Yeah that's better than my way.
(They all agree and head to Monica's room.)
Rachel: Oh okay, hey guys, would you flip mine too?
Chandler: Aww, man! (They go into Monica's room.)
Rachel: (going through the mail) Oh look! A letter from my mom.
Ross: So, Rach, y'know-y'know how Emily's coming right?
Rachel: Oh yeah! I know.
[Cut to Monica's bedroom, Chandler is trying to listen through the door.]
Phoebe: (To Chandler) Can you hear anything?
Chandler: Oh yes, somebody just said, "Can you hear anything?"
(Joey is bent over at the waist and is looking for something under Monica's bed.)
Monica: Hey, Joey's ass! What are you doing?
Joey: (holding a box) Well, remember when they got in that big fight and broke up and we were all stuck in her with no food or anything? Well, when Ross said Rachel at the wedding, I figured it was gonna happen again, so I hid this in here.
Monica: Ooh, candy bars, crossword puzzles…
Phoebe: Ooh, Madlibs, mine! (Grabs it.)
Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: You don't know how long we're gonna be in here! We may have to repopulate the Earth.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?
[Cut to the living room.]
Ross: Anyway it-it kinda-it all boils down to this, the last time I talked to Emily…
Rachel: (interrupting) Oh my God! My dog died!
Ross: What?!
Rachel: Oh my God, Le Poo, our dog!
Ross: Le Poo's still alive?!
Rachel: Oh God, it says he was hit by an ice cream truck and dragged for nine-(turns over the note)-teen blocks. Oh. (They all come out from Monica's bedroom) Oh my God.
Monica: Sweetie, we heard you crying. Please don't cry.
Rachel: It's Le Poo.
Phoebe: I know it's le poo right now, but it'll get better.
[Scene: Atlantic City, New Jersey, Chandler and Monica are about to start their weekend of sex, sex, nothing but sex.]
Chandler: (jumping on the bed) I can't believe it! We're here!
Monica: Ooh, chocolates on the pillows! I love that!
Chandler: Oh, you should live with Joey, Roll-os everywhere.
Monica: Come here. (He does, and they kiss.) Okay, be right back.
(Goes to the bathroom and Chandler turns on the TV and finds a high-speed police chase.)
Chandler: Oh yes! Monica, get in here! There's a high-speed car chase on!
(Monica returns, carrying a glass.)
Monica: We're switching rooms.
Chandler: (looks at what she's holding and shies away) Oh dear God, they gave us glasses!
Monica: No, they gave us glasses with lipstick on them! I mean, if they didn't change the glasses, who knows what else they didn't change. (He glares at her.) Come on sweetie, I just want this weekend to be perfect, I mean we can change rooms, can't we?
Chandler: Okay, but let's do it now though, because Chopper 5 just lost it's feed! (He grabs their bags and sprints out.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is trying to tell Rachel about Emily's ultimatum again.]
Ross: Hey, so uh, y'know how there's something I wanted to talk to you about?
Rachel: Oh yeah! (Turns to face him.)
Ross: Well, y'know how I'm trying to work things out with Emily. Well, there's this one thing… Okay, (Rachel has her back turned to the camera, and Ross isn't looking at her.) here goes. I made a promise that-(they cut to the other camera and Ross notices something coming out of Rachel's nose)-Oh hey!
Rachel: What?
Ross: You're nose is bleeding!
Rachel: Oh God. (He hands her some tissues.) No! Oh not again! (Wiping her nose.) This-this happened when my grandfather died. It's ugh! Sorry. (She puts her head back.) Oh, okay, so I'm sorry, what-what were you-what did you want to tell me?
Ross: Umm… (Rachel blows her nose.)
Rachel: Sorry. Sorry.
Ross: Okay, I uh, I can't see you anymore.
Rachel: Yeah, I know. It's ridiculous! I can't see you either.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's weekend, a hotel clerk is showing them their new room.]
Hotel Clerk: I think you'll find this room more to your liking.
Chandler: Okay, great. (He grabs the remote and turns on the TV to the chase.)
Hotel Clerk: (watching the chase) They say he's only got half a tank left.
Chandler: Half a tank? We still got a lot of high-speed chasing to do!
Monica: We're switching rooms again.
Chandler: What? Why?
Monica: This is a garden view room, and we paid for an ocean view room.
Hotel Clerk: Our last ocean view room was unacceptable to you.
Monica: (To Chandler) Excuse me, umm, can I talk to you over here for just a second?
Chandler: Uh-huh. (He doesn't take his eyes off the TV.)
Monica: Chandler!
Chandler: (turning to face her) Yeah.
Monica: Look, these clowns are trying to take us for a ride and I'm not gonna let 'em! And we're not a couple of suckers!
Chandler: I hear ya, Mugsy! But look, all these rooms are fine okay? Can you just pick one so I can watch-(realizes)-have a perfect, magical weekend together with you.
[Time lapse, Monica and Chandler have changed rooms yet again.]
Monica: Okay, this one I like!
Chandler: (watching TV, in fact, ER is on.) Nothing! It's over! Dammit! This is regularly scheduled programming!
Monica: Can we turn the TV off? Okay? Do we really want to spend the entire weekend like this?
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, am I getting in the way of all the room switching fun?
Monica: Hey, don't blame me for wigging tonight!
Chandler: Oh, who should I blame? The nice bell man who had to drag out luggage to 10 different rooms?
Monica: I don't know, how about the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on a half a tank of gas!
Chandler: Do not speak ill of the dead.
Monica: We're supposed to uh, be spending a romantic weekend together, it-it, what is the matter with you?
Chandler: I just want to watch a little television. What is the big deal? Geez, relax mom.
Monica: What did you say?
Chandler: I said, "Geez, relax Monnnnn."
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading a magazine and has two tissues stuck up her nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding and as she hears Ross enter, she quickly hides her face behind the magazine and removes the tissues.]
Rachel: Hi!
Ross: Hey. Rachel, I-I-I've been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I really, I just have to get it out.
Rachel: Okay, what's up?
Ross: Okay, y'know how you told me I should do whatever it takes to fix my marriage?
Rachel: Yeah, I told you to give Emily whatever she wants.
Ross: And while that was good advice, you should know that what-what she wants…
Rachel: Yeah?
Ross: …is for me not to see you anymore.
Rachel: That's crazy! You can't do that! What are you going to tell her? (Pause) (Realizes) Oh God. Ohh, you already agreed to this, haven't you?
Ross: It's awful I know, I mean, I feel terrible but I have to do this if I want my marriage to work. And I do, I have to make this marriage work. I have too. But the good thing is we can still see each other until she gets here.
Rachel: Ohh! Lucky me! Oh my God! That is good news, Ross! I think that's the best news I've heard since Le Poo died!
Ross: You have no idea what a nightmare this has been. This is so hard.
Rachel: Oh yeah, really? Is it Ross? Yeah? Okay, well let me make this a just a little bit easier for you.
Ross: What are you doing?
Rachel: Storming out!
Ross: Rachel, this is your apartment.
Rachel: Yeah, well that's how mad I am!!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is returning from his disastrous weekend. He throws his bag down and sits down on one of the leather chairs, but he sits on something and picks it up and throws it away.]
Chandler: Damn Rollos!
Joey: Hey, you're back!
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: How was your conference?
Chandler: It was terrible. I fought with (Pause) my colleagues y'know, the entire time. Are you kidding with this? (Throws away another Rollo)
Joey: Oh, so your weekend was a total bust?
Chandler: Uh, no, I got to see Donald Trump waiting for an elevator.
Monica: (entering) Hi!
Joey: Hey, you're back too!
Monica: Yeah. Umm, Chandler can I talk to you outside for a second?
Joey: Hey, how was your chef thing?
Monica: Oh, it was awful. (To Chandler) I guess some people just don't appreciate really good food.
Chandler: Well, maybe it was the kind of food that tasted good at first but then made everybody vomit and have diarrhea.
Monica: Chandler! (Motions for him to come outside.)
Chandler: Monica. (Follows her out.)
[In the hall.]
Monica: Okay, I'd like to know how much the room was because I'd like to pay my half.
Chandler: Okay, fine, $300.
Monica: 300 dollars?!
Chandler: Yeah, just think of it as $25 per room!
Monica: Urghh!!
Joey: (sticking his head out the door) What are you guys woofing about?
Monica: Chandler stole a twenty from my purse!
Joey: Nooooo!!! Y'know what? Now that I think about it, I constantly find myself without twenties and you always have lots!
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is drinking some Alka-Seltzer. The rest of the gang, minus Rachel is there as well.]
Ross: You should've seen the look on her face. I don't want Rachel to hate me! I don't know what to do.
Joey: You want my advice?
Ross: Yes! Please!
Joey: You're not gonna like it.
Ross: That's okay.
Joey: You got married to fast.
Ross: That's not advice!
Joey: I told ya.
Ross: I'm going to the bathroom. (Gets up and exits.)
Joey: Man, if anyone asked me to give up any of you, I couldn't do it.
Chandler and Phoebe: Yeah, me either.
Monica: Maybe I could do it.
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
Joey: Hi, Rach.
Chandler: Hi!
Phoebe: Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Look, I know you guys heard about the whole thing with me and Ross but y'know, I've been obsessing about it all day and I'd just love not to talk about it. All right?
Joey: I-I-I don't know if this falls under this category, but uh, Ross is right back there. (Points over his shoulder.)
Rachel: That's not Ross!
Phoebe: Oh no! Not that guy! He does look like him though.
Chandler: Okay, Ross is in the bathroom.
Rachel: Oh my God, its happening. It's already started. I'm Kip.
Joey: Hey, you're not Kip!
Rachel: (To Joey) Do you even know who Kip is?
Joey: Who cares? You're Rachel! (To Chandler) Who's Kip?
Chandler: Kip, my old roommate, y'know we all used to hang out together.
Joey: Oh, that poor bastard.
Rachel: See? Yeah, you told me the story. He and Monica dated when they broke up they couldn't even be in the same room together and you all promised that you would stay his friend and what happened? He got phased out!
Monica: You're not gonna be phased out!
Rachel: Well, of course I am! It's not gonna happen to Ross! He's your brother. (To Chandler) He's your old college roommate. Ugh, it was just a matter of time before someone had to leave the group. I just always assumed Phoebe would be the one to go.
Phoebe: Ehh!!
Rachel: Honey, come on! You live far away! You're not related. You lift right out.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey, Mr. Bing. That uh, hotel you stayed at called. Said someone left an eyelash curler in your room.
Chandler: Yes that was mine.
Joey: 'Cause I figured you'd hooked up with some girl and she'd left it there.
Chandler: Yes that would have made more sense.
Joey: Y'know, I-I don't even feel like I know you anymore man! All right, look, I'm just gonna ask you this one time. And whatever you say, I'll believe ya. (Pause.) Were you, or were you not on a gay cruise?!
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is sitting on couch and Rachel is getting some coffee. Phoebe keeps turning her head from to keep from looking at Rachel.]
Rachel: Phoebe? (She turns her head further away.) I'm sorry about the whole lifting out thing. (Moves over next to her.) You gotta come with me!
Phoebe: Come where?
Rachel: Wherever I go. Come on you and me, we'll-we'll start a new group, we're the best ones.
Phoebe: Okay, but try and get Joey too.
Ross: (entering) Pheebs, you mind if I speak to Rachel alone for a sec?
Phoebe: Oh, sure! (She gets up to leave.) Bye Ross! (Whispering behind his back.) Forever.
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi. What are you doing here? Isn't this against the rules?
Ross: I talked to Monica, look, I'm the one who made the choice. I'm the one who's making things change, so I should be the one to y'know, step back.
Rachel: Oh, Ross…
Ross: No, no, it's okay. Really. They're plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at Burger King. So is, is that better?
Rachel: No, it's not better. I still don't get to see you.
Ross: Well, what-what would you do? Rach, if you were me, what-what would you do?
Rachel: Well, for starters I would've said the right name at my wedding!
Ross: I can't believe this is happening.
Rachel: I know.
Ross: I am so sorry.
Rachel: I know that too.
Joey: (entering) (He clears his throat to get their attention.) Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but umm, Phoebe wanted me to talk to you about a trip or something.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is doing a crossword puzzle.]
Chandler: (entering) Hey!
Monica: Hi.
Chandler: I just came over to drop off…nothing. So that weekend kinda sucked, huh?
Monica: Yeah, it did.
Chandler: So, I guess this is over.
Monica: What?
Chandler: Well, y'know, you and me, it had to end sometime.
Monica: Why, exactly?
Chandler: Because of the weekend, we had a fight.
Monica: Chandler that's crazy! If you give up every time you'd have a fight with someone you'd never be with anyone longer than—Ohhh! (They both realize something there.)
Chandler: So, this isn't over?
Monica: (laughs) You are so cute! No. No, it was a fight. You deal with it and move on! It's nothing to freak out about.
Chandler: Really? Okay. Great!
Monica: Ohh, welcome to an adult relationship! (She goes to kiss him.)
Chandler: (stops her) We're in a relationship?
Monica: I'm afraid so.
Chandler: Okay.
(They kiss.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Joey, and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh hey, Monica, I heard you saw Donald Trump at your convention.
Monica: Yeah, I saw him waiting for an elevator.
(Joey thinks that sounds familiar, but dismisses the thought.)
Monica: Hey, Rach, can I borrow your eyelash curler, I think I lost mine.
Rachel: Yeah, it's in there. (Points to the bathroom.)
(Joey puts two and two together.)
Joey: (shocked) Oh! Ohh! Oh!!
Chandler: Joey, can I talk to you for a second? (He grabs him and starts to drag Joey into Monica's room.)
Joey: Oohh!! Ohh! Oh-oh-oh! Oh-oh!!
(Chandler pushes him through the door and Monica closes it behind them.)
[Cut to Monica's room, Chandler tackles Joey onto her bed and tries to cover his mouth.]
Joey: Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Chandler: Yes. Yes. (Lets him up.)
Joey: (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?!
Monica: Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows!
Joey: How?! When?!
Chandler: It happened in London.
Joey: IN LONDON!!!
Chandler: The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
Joey: But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone!
(They both grab him and stop him.)
Chandler: No-no-no-no-no! You can't!
Monica: Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay? Just promise you won't tell.
(Joey thinks it over.)
Joey: All right! Man, this is unbelievable! I mean, it's great, but…
Monica: I know, it's great!
(She goes over and kisses Chandler.)
Joey: Aww, I don't want to see that!
[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel.]
Phoebe: We're so stupid! Do you know what's going on in there? They're trying to take Joey!
Ending Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, minus Ross are playing Madlibs. Phoebe is reading hers.]
Phoebe: The most popular Phoebe in tennis is called the overhand Phoebe. And if you win, you must slap your opponent on the Phoebe and say, "Hi, Phoebe!"
Monica: Oh that's cute! We really all enjoyed it. But y'know, it doesn't count.
Phoebe: Count for what?
Monica: Count in our heads as-as good Madlibs.
(They putting their notepads down and get up to leave.)
Joey: I guess I'm done.
Chandler: Fun's over!
Monica: Wait-wait, guys! If-if we follow the rules, it's still fun and it means something!
Rachel: Uh-huh!
Joey: I think I'm gonna take-off.
Monica: Guys, rules are good! Rules help control the fun! (They all leave and close the door on Monica.) Ohhh! (Throws her notepad down in disgust.)
End

本文未完，查阅更多请“点击此处”阅读全文（Read more）……

Friends S5EP04 英文剧本（Free scripts)

The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS

---

Written by: Michael Curtis

Transcribed by: Eric Aasen

---

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just gotten home and is going through the mail. She finds something that's Monica's and goes over and knocks on her closed bedroom door.]
Monica: (In a sexy voice) Come in. I've been waiting for you.
(Rachel enters.)
Rachel: Hi! I just wanna-(sees Monica)-Ahhh!!! Oh my God! (She runs out in horror.) Oh my God!
Monica: (pulling on a robe) Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I-I-I was um, I was taking a nap.
Rachel: Since when do take naps in that position. Oh God Monica, tell me you were waiting for a guy! Please tell me you were waiting for a guy!
Monica: Yes. Yes, I was. A guy. From work. (Thinks) I'm seeing a guy from work! Ha!
Rachel: (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?
Monica: Uh-huh, that one!
Rachel: Y'know what, just give me a second and I'll be out of your hair. I'm just gonna grab a jacket. When I get back, I want every little detail. (There's a knock on the door.) Maybe that's him. (Goes to answer the door.)
Monica: (Panicking) Okay, umm, okay, umm… (Rachel opens the door.) It's just Joey and Ross.
Rachel: Why aren't you guys at the movie?
Joey: Well, we were! But Ross was talking so loud on his phone they threw us out!
Ross: I had to talk loud because the movie was loud!
Joey: (to Monica and Rachel) He's talking to London!
Monica: But why?! Did he get in touch with Emily?
Joey: Well no, not yet. He's calling everyone on her side of the family hoping that someone will help him get in touch with her.
Ross: (on phone) I-I-I don't care if I said some other girl's name you prissy, old twit!
Joey: Ross! Way to suck up to the family.
Chandler: (entering, happily, with a bottle of champagne, thinking that Monica is the only one there) Ha-ha-ha-(sees everyone)-enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
Joey: (entering, wearing a tux) Hey!
Chandler: Oh no-no-no-no-no-no, vomit tux! No-no, vomit tux!
Joey: Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned.
Monica: Vomit tux? Who vomited on—y'know what, what you up to Joe?
Joey: Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as co-host!
Monica: Oh that's great!
Joey: A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the kind of math Joey likes to do!
Phoebe: Ugh, PBS!
Monica: What's wrong with PBS?
Phoebe: Ugh, what's right with them?
Joey: Why don’t you like PBS, Pheebs?
Phoebe: Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I wrote to Sesame Street, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one ever wrote back.
Chandler: Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.
Phoebe: All I got was a lousy key chain! And by that time I was living in a box. I didn't have keys!
Joey: I'm sorry Pheebs, I just, y'know, I just wanted to do a good deed. Like-like you did with the babies.
Phoebe: This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally selfish.
Joey: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What about you, having those babies for your brother? Talk about selfish!
Phoebe: What-what are you talking about?!
Joey: Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing and all, but it made you feel really good right?
Phoebe: Yeah. So?
Joey: It made you feel good, so that makes it selfish. Look, there's no unselfish good deeds, sorry.
Phoebe: Yes there are! There are totally good deeds that are selfless.
Joey: Well, may I ask for one example?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's… Y'know there's—no you may not!
(They are standing on either side of Chandler as they discuss the point. Chandler, meanwhile, is disgusted with the whole argument.)
Joey: That's because all people are selfish.
Phoebe: Are you calling me selfish?!
Joey: Are you calling you people? (Chandler rolls his eyes.) Yeah, well sorry to burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on Santa Clause right?
Phoebe: I'm gonna find a selfless good dead. I'm gonna beat you, you evil genius.
(Ross's phone rings and he answers it.)
Ross: (on phone) Hello.
Emily: (on phone from London) Hello, Ross?
Ross: Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! (He picks up a lamp and hands it to Chandler, for no reason.) It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! (to Emily) Hi!
Emily: Ross, I'm only ringing to say stop harassing my relatives. Good-bye!
Ross: No wait! Look, wait! Okay, you can hang up, but I'm gonna keep calling! I'm gonna, I'm gonna call everyone in England if that's what it takes to get you to talk to me!
Emily: Really? About what?
Ross: Look you're my wife. We're-we're married. Y'know? I-I love you. I-I really miss you.
Emily: I miss you to. Well, at least I think I do.
Ross: (to the gang, whispering) She's talking.
All: (subdued) Yay! (He motions for them to keep quiet, including Chandler who is still holding the lamp Ross handed him, before he goes off to talk to Emily in private.)
Phoebe: Hey, Joey, when you said the deal with Santa Clause, you meant?
Joey: That he doesn't exist.
Phoebe: Right. (She turns and opens her eyes in shock.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]
Rachel: So Chandler, have you heard about Monica's secret boyfriend?
Chandler: Uhh, yeah. She uh, she uh, she uh might've mentioned him.
Rachel: So Mon, when are we gonna meet this new secret waiter man?
Monica: Ohh, he's really shy. I-I don’t think he's up to meeting everyone yet.
Chandler: Yeah, I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet.
Rachel: I don’t care! I wanna meet this guy who's the best sex she ever had!
(Chandler is quite pleased with that statement.)
Chandler: Really?! That's what you heard? (To Monica) You said that?
Monica: I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?
Chandler: Because I'm very happy for him! (To Monica) And you, you lucky dog!
Ross: (entering) Hi!
Monica: Hey!
Ross: Well, Emily's willing to work on the relationship.
Chandler: Yes!
Monica: That's great!
Ross: In London!
Monica: What?!
Ross: She wants me to move to London.
Monica: But you live here! (Ross rolls his eyes.) You know that.
Rachel: What-what-what are you gonna do?
Ross: I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London with Ben.
Monica: Yeah, I'm sure your ex-wife will be more than happy to move to another country so you can patch things up with your new wife.
Ross: It could happen.
[Scene: Unitel Video, Studio 55, Joey's telethon, he is being shown around by the stage director.]
Joey: (To the pledge volunteers) How ya doin'? Welcome. Good to see ya!
Stage Director: This will be your phone.
Joey: That's great. But uh, I'm not really expecting a lot of calls.
Stage Director: No you answer it and take pledges.
Joey: But I'm the host!
Stage Director: No, Gary Collins is the host. You'll be answering the phones.
Joey: You don't seem to understand. See, I was Dr. Drake Remoray.
Stage Director: Well, here's your phone doctor. (She walks away.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there.]
Phoebe: I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass!
Rachel: Maybe Joey's right. Maybe all good deeds are selfish.
Phoebe: I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!
Chandler: (entering) Hey, Monica? Can I ask you a cooking question?
Monica: Sure!
Chandler: If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?
Rachel: Chandler! (Pause) Is he?
Monica: Well, y'know I-I-I think I'm gonna respect the privacy of my new secret boyfriend.
Chandler: Why?! I mean if this guy was me and it was me who had learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's on the phone with Emily.]
Ross: All right Emily, as much as I love you, I'm sorry, I can't move to London without Ben.
Emily: I understand that would be difficult.
Ross: Yeah, would you please consider moving here? I mean you were gonna move here anyway, why can't you just do that?
Emily: I don't know, it's just…
Ross: Oh-oh-okay, but-but I know, that even though I've been a-a complete idiot up 'til now, I mean, I mean you-you-you have to come here. You have to come here so we can work this out.
Emily: All right.
Ross: All right, did you just say all right?
Emily: I did. Now I'm the idiot.
Ross: Oh, Emily that is, that is so great. It's gonna be so great! We're gonna be like-like-like two idiots in love!
(She laughs.)
Emily: Ross, there's one thing that really scares me still.
Ross: Yes, tell me.
Emily: Well, you have to understand how humiliating it was for me up on that altar in front of my entire family, all my friends.
Ross: I know. I am, I am so sorry.
Emily: And then after decided to forgive you, seeing you at the airport catching our plane with her.
Ross: Again, very sorry.
Emily: I mean, I can't-I can't be in the same room as her! It drives me mad just thinking of you being in the same room as her!
Ross: Emily, there is nothing between Rachel and me. Okay? I love you.
Emily: All right. I'll come to New York and we'll try and make this work.
Ross: Oh that is so great! That's…
Emily: (interrupting him) As long as you don't see Rachel anymore.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler about Emily's ultimatum.]
Ross: So I asked Emily if she would come to New York, and she said yes.
Chandler: Yes!
Phoebe: Ooh-ohh!
Monica: Great!
Ross: No-no-no! Only if I promise never to see Rachel again.
Phoebe: Why?
Monica: What?! You can't—what did you tell her?
Ross: I told her I'd have to think about it. I mean, how the hell am I supposed to make this kind of a decision? (They're all quiet.) I'm actually asking you!
Chandler: Well, you can't just not see Rachel anymore, she's one of your best friends.
Monica: Yeah! But, he can't not exactly see Emily, I mean that's his wife.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Chandler: That's true!
Phoebe: Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut her out of your life.
Chandler: That's true!
Monica: No, you cannot.
Ross: Thanks for the help, problem solved. (Wipes his hands.)
(The phone rings.)
Monica: (answering it) Hello.
Joey: (on phone) Hey Mon!
Monica: Oh hey Joey! We've been watching all day, when are you gonna be on TV?
Joey: See, there was kind of a mix up in my agent's office, but I'm still on TV and that's good exposure.
Monica: (Looking at the TV) You're not on TV.
Joey: Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)
Chandler: Hey, there he is! There he is!
Joey: Hello New York! (The woman bats his hand out of the way.)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the chick and the duck are watching Emeril Live, a cooking show.]
Emeril: (on TV.) Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who cares, y'know? Now I got the legs…
(Chandler enters and sees what they're watching, panics, and runs to turn off the TV.)
Chandler: How many times have I told you guys, you never watch the cooking channel!
Monica: (entering) Hi Chandler.
Chandler: Hey!
Monica: Uh, listen, I need that broiling pan that Joey borrowed the other day.
Chandler: Oh that was yours? Uh, yeah, we used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars.
Monica: William Sonoma, fall catalog, Page 27.
Chandler: Expect it in 4-6 weeks. (She starts to leave.) Umm, hey, umm, Joey's gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.
Monica: Yeah, so?
Chandler: Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best you'd ever had.
Monica: Y'know what, champ? I think I'll pass.
Chandler: Why?
Monica: Why? (She hops into the living room and imitates Chandler's happy dance.)
Chandler: What's your point?
[Scene: The Telethon, Joey's phone rings and he answers it.]
Joey: (in a bored voice) PBS telethon.
Phoebe: (on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.
Joey: What?! What good is that gonna do anybody?
Phoebe: Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am definitely not.
Joey: Now, y'know the bee probably died after he stung ya.
Phoebe: (Thinks for a moment.) Aw, dammit! (Slams the phone down.)
Stage Director: Back on in 30 seconds people!
(Joey gets up and moves to the other end of his row to talk to the guy sitting there.)
Joey: Hey, excuse me, would you mind switching with me?
PBS Volunteer: Hey, no way, I'm in the shot man.
Joey: Come on man! You've been here all day!
PBS Volunteer: Yeah, I-I'm taking pledges here, eh?
Stage Director: We're on in 3, 2, (points to Gary Collins.)
Gary Collins: Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the performance of Cirque Du Soleil, (As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer getting into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming, it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like to… (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a magazine.]
Ross: (entering) Okay, that's it. I cannot make this decision! It is too difficult, so I'm just gonna leave it entirely to the gods of fate. (He holds up and starts shaking a…)
Monica: A Magic Eight ball?! You can't be serious, you can't make this decision with a toy!
Phoebe: Ooh, it's not a toy.
Ross: Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. (There are none.) Okay then. Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? (He turns it over and reads the answer) Ask again later. Later is not good enough. (He shakes it up again and reads the answer.) Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken!
Monica: All right, let me see. (She grabs the 8 ball.) Will Chandler have sex tonight? (Reads the answer.) Don't count on it. Seems like it works to me.
[Scene: The Telethon, Joey answers his ringing phone.]
Joey: (in an unenthusiastic voice) PBS Telethon.
Phoebe: (on phone) Hi Joey.
Joey: Hey Pheebs!
Phoebe: I would like to make a pledge. I would like to donate $200.
Joey: $200? Are you sure Pheebs? I mean, after what Sesame Street did to ya?
Phoebe: Oh, I'm still mad at them but I also now that they bring happiness to lots of kids who's moms didn't kill themselves, so by supporting them, I'm doing a good thing, but I'm not happy about it. So there, a selfless good deed.
Joey: And you don't a little good about donating the money?
Phoebe: No, it sucks. I was saving up to buy a hamster.
Joey: A hamster? What, those things are like 10 bucks.
Phoebe: Yeah, not the one I had my eye on.
Gary Collins: (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total! Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers…(He walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!
Phoebe: Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV! Oh that makes me feel—Oh no! (Realizes that her deed made her happy and therefore it's selfish and covers her mouth in horror.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day. Monica is coming out of the bathroom carrying her cleaning gear.]
Chandler: (entering) Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best.
Monica: Keep talking.
Chandler: I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH…MY…GOD.
Monica: Really?
Chandler: Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex!
Monica: Well, if we owe it? (She throws down her cleaning stuff and jumps into his arms.) Oh my… When is Joey gonna be home?
Chandler: Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him. (She starts to take off her latex gloves.) Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on.
Monica: But, I just cleaned the bathroom.
Chandler: Yeah, why don't we lose the gloves.
Monica: Yeah. (She takes them off.)
(He carries her over to the door and opens it.)
Chandler: All right, let's show them how it's done.
Monica: Okay.
(He starts to carry her into the hallway but hits her head on the door.)
Monica: Ow!
Chandler: Y'know that wasn't part of it?
Monica: I know!
(He carries her into the hall.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is prying at the Magic 8 Ball with a screwdriver as there's a knock on his door which he goes to answer.]
Rachel: (entering) Hi! Are you ready? We're gonna be late!
Ross: For what?
Rachel: For Stella! Remember? She's gettin' her grove back in like 20 minutes.
Ross: Yeah, I uh, totally forgot about that. You mind if I take a rain check? I'm waiting for a call from Emily.
Rachel: Sure. I guess. Hey, I hear you don't have to go to London. Yay!
Ross: It's not that easy, there's still a lot of relationship stuff.
Rachel: Like what?
Ross: Just stuff. Y'know kinda what Emily wants.
Rachel: Well, why don't you talk to me about it, maybe I can help.
Ross: No. No. You-you can't help. I mean, I kinda have to do this without your help.
Rachel: Well, I-I know you can do that too. I'm just, I'm just saying if you need somebody to talk to… Hi!
Ross: Thanks.
Rachel: Ross? Look, whatever this relationship stuff that Emily wants, just give it to her. Come on, the bottom line here is that you love her. So just fix whatever she wants fixed. Just do it. (The phone starts ringing.) I mean, you're gonna have to try. You'll just gonna hate yourself if you don't. (The phone keeps ringing.) Oh come on answer it! It's driving me crazy!
Ross: (answering the phone.) Hello. (Listens) Hi sweetie. (Listens.) Good. Look umm, yes I've been thinking about that thing that you wanted me to do and, I can do it. (Rachel gives him a thumbs up.) So will you come to New York? (Rachel wants to know what she said, and he gives her a thumbs up and she goes over and hugs him. All the time not knowing what's going on.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, ??????? is playing, as Chandler peaks his head out of the storage closet and sneaks back to his seat and pretends he's reading something. Then a short while later Monica pokes her head out of the closet and sneaks back to her seat and sits down, pretending as if nothing has happened.]
Monica: Never done that before.
Chandler: Nope.
End

本文未完，查阅更多请“点击此处”阅读全文（Read more）……

Friends S5EP03 英文剧本（Free scripts)

The One Hundredth

---

Written by: Marta Kauffman & David Crane

Transcribed by: Eric Aasen

---

[Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.]
Phoebe: (to the nurse) Hi.
Nurse: Hi.
Phoebe: Hi, yeah, hi! I'm umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of me.
Nurse: Okay. Have you started having contractions?
Phoebe: Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt?
Nurse: Well…
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Ross: It's all right.
Nurse: Now, which of you is the father? (Points to Joey and Ross)
Phoebe: Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother.
Nurse: (not sure what to do with that) Okay…
Rachel: I am so gonna miss watching you freak people out like that!
Joey: Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?
Phoebe: Oh, okay, umm, hi kids! Um, it's me, Aunt Phoebe. I can't wait to see you. Please don't hurt me!
(Monica and Chandler come running in.)
Ross: Hey, what took you guys so long? Your cab left when ours did!
(There's a pause as they figure out what to say.)
Monica: Well, we-we had to go back because I forget my jacket.
Chandler: That's right.
(Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.)
Rachel: You-you're not wearing a jacket.
Monica: Oh man! I did it again!
Phoebe: (standing up) Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. (As she is talking Joey is sticking the camera under her skirt.) And then my mom wants to know-(notices Joey)-Joey, what are you doing?!
Joey: I gotta get the before shot!
(She shakes her head no.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Ross are entering.]
Rachel: Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming.
Phoebe: What?!
Ross: Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head.
Phoebe: Oh my God, she's so stupid!
Ross: Look, Pheebs-Pheebs, it's gonna be okay.
Phoebe: That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your vagina!
Rachel: Honey, listen, y'know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful.
Ross: Yeah, he's head of the department.
Phoebe: All right—Ooh! Oh dead God, save me!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: I'm having my first contraction!
Chandler: Oh no.
Phoebe: Ooh, it's not bad.
Chandler: Okay.
Joey: Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.)
Chandler: Hey! You okay?
Joey: Ooh, something hurts!
Phoebe: Ooh, it's sympathy pains. Ohh, that's so sweet!
Joey: Are they? I didn't know I cared that much.
(The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.)
Ross: Hello.
Dr. Harad: Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time. I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)
Chandler: Did he just say, he loves Fonzie?
Monica: That's what it sounded like.
Chandler: All right…
Frank: (entering) Hey!
All: Hey!
Frank: (To Phoebe) Hey! Am I late? Am I late? Nobody came out yet, right?
Phoebe: No-no-no! We haven't started yet. Where's Alice?
Frank: Uh, Delaware. She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazada stuff.
Chandler: Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month, they give you 2% financing.
Frank: Yeah.
[Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.]
Rachel: (entering) Monica? You gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses.
Joey: Oh my!
Rachel: They're male nurses.
Joey: Not in my head.
Rachel: Anyway, they want to take us out Saturday night! What do you say?
Monica: Umm. (Looks at Chandler who is using the phone.) Umm. Umm. I don't think so.
Rachel: What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on, give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.
Monica: Umm, why don't you give me something that would be a good reason and-and then I'll tell you if it's true.
Rachel: What?
Monica: Harder than it sounds. Isn't it?
Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.
Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O…
Rachel: Joey, how do you make that dirty?
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad…
[Scene: The delivery room, Chandler, Frank, and Ross are with Phoebe.]
Joey: (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the USA Today and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies… (Throws the paper away to reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of Playboy Magazine.) Check it out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera in it.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt either—Ooh, yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Checks under the blanket.) Oh, I was kinda hoping that was it.
Ross: Hey, where are Monica and Rachel anyway?
Joey: Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.
Chandler: Really? Male nurses?
Joey: Yeah, I was bummed too.
Chandler: So they're going on dates? When?
Joey: I think Saturday—(groans in pain again).
Frank: (To Phoebe) What's with him?
Phoebe: Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I think he's just trying to steal my thunder.
Dr. Harad: (entering) Okay!
Phoebe: Hey.
Dr. Harad: Let's see what we got here. Ohh, y'know, Fonzie dated triplets.
Chandler: This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that another doctor?
Dr. Harad: Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz.
Chandler: All right.
(Dr. Harad exits.)
Frank: It's not that weird, is it?
Phoebe: It's very weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me, I'm y'know, dilatedamundo!
Ross: To be fair, he doesn’t seem to be impersonating Fonzie…
Phoebe: (interrupting) What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie!
Ross: Again, it's not that he…
(Phoebe fakes pain to get Ross looking for another doctor.)
[Scene: The waiting room, Chandler is looking for Monica.]
Chandler: (spotting her) Oh-hey-hey-hey! There you are!
Monica: Umm, listen there's something I think you should know.
Chandler: Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're goofin' around.
Monica: Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I will go out with him.
Chandler: Fine! Maybe I will too!
Joey: (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)
[Scene: The delivery room, Ross has returned with another doctor. This one, is well, younger.]
Ross: Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or any of the Happy Days gang.
Phoebe: Hi! And you're going into what grade?
Dr. Oberman: Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you see, I-I graduated early…
Phoebe: (interrupting) Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that I'd be needing a grown up doctor.
Dr. Oberman: Oh no, I'm fully qualified to…
Phoebe: Shh! Doogie, shh! Doesn't anybody understand that I'm gonna be having babies soon? Huh? Go! Go little boy, go!
(He runs out and Frank watches him go.)
Frank: Oh cool! You made him cry!
[Scene: Another hospital room, Joey has now been admitted and his doctor is about to break the bad news to him, Monica, and Chandler.]
Joey's Doctor: Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones.
Joey: Umm, well, what else could it be?
Joey's Doctor: It's kidney stones.
Joey: Or?
Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones!
[Scene: The delivery room, Dr. Harad is back and checking on Phoebe.]
Dr. Harad: All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are very, very lucky.
Phoebe: They are. Why?
Dr. Harad: They have the honor of being born on The Fonz's half-birthday.
Phoebe: Happy birthday!
Dr. Harad: Just-just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie. (Phoebe nods in agreement as he leaves.)
Rachel: Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.
Phoebe: I know, it is.
Rachel: Yeah!
Phoebe: Can I tell you a little secret?
Rachel: Yeah!
Phoebe: I want to keep one. (Giggles in excitement.)
Rachel: Ohh, I'm gonna be on the news!
Commercial Break
[Scene: The delivery room, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: Okay, Phoebe, honey, you gotta be kidding. I mean, you know you cannot keep one of these babies!
Phoebe: Why not?! Maybe I can, you don't know!
Rachel: Yes! Yes! Yes, I do! I do know! Frank and Alice are gonna want to keep all of their children!
Phoebe: Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an opportunity just because I didn't ask! Y'know?
Rachel: Phoebe, no! This is, this is insane.
Phoebe: Oh, just ask him!
Rachel: Me?!
Phoebe: I can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out!
Rachel: No! Forget it! I am not gonna ask Frank to give you one of his kids!!
Phoebe: You're right.
(There's an awkward silence then suddenly Phoebe gets an idea.)
Phoebe: Tell him it's for you.
[Scene: Joey's room, his doctor, Chandler, and Monica are there.]
Monica: Feeling a little better sweetie?
Joey: Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.
Monica: Me too.
Ross: (entering) Hey! I just heard. What's up?
Joey's Doctor: Kidney stones! Now, ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break up the stones up with shock waves, but they're to close to the bladder now. Which means we can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra…
Joey: (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up, up is not an option—what's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are you crazy?!
[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Frank are there.]
Phoebe: (To Rachel) So did you ask him?
Rachel: No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet.
Phoebe: Well, I'm kinda on a clock here.
Dr. Harad: (laughing) Oh Fonzie.
Rachel: Y'know who I always liked? Mork.
(Dr. Harad drops what he's doing and stares at her.)
Phoebe: Undo it. Undo it. Undo it.
Dr. Harad: Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie.
Rachel: Yeah, but umm… Yes, but, Fonzie was already cool, so he wasn't hurt, right?
Dr. Harad: Yeah, that's right.
Monica: (entering with Chandler) Hey!
Phoebe: Hi!
Monica: (To Phoebe) How are you doing?
Phoebe: Okay, doctor says any minute now.
Frank: Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me a favor and like, like hold them in?
Phoebe: Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do.
(A male nurse enters.)
Male Nurse: Hey!
Rachel: Hi!
Male Nurse: Rachel.
Rachel: Monica, this is Dan (points to him), one of the guys that we're gonna be going out with on Saturday. (Mouths "He's yours." to her.) Uh Dan, Monica.
Dan: Nice to meet you.
Monica: Hello Dan! I'm really looking forward to Saturday night! Really, really!
Chandler: So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?
Monica: Chandler!
Dan: Nah that's okay. I'm just doing this to put myself through medical school.
Chandler: Oh.
Dan: And it didn't feel so girlie during the Gulf War.
Chandler: Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way. (Retreats in defeat.)
Monica: So, why wait 'til Saturday, are you free tomorrow?
Dan: Sure! I'll get somebody to cover my shift.
Monica: Oh, great!
Chandler: (to another female nurse) Hey, how 'bout it? You, me, Saturday night?
Delivery Room Nurse: No.
Chandler: All right. Very good.
Phoebe: Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!!
[Cut to Joey's room, who's going throw his own contractions. Plus, he has Ross in a headlock.]
Joey: Ohh, get these things out of me!
Ross: Breathe! Breathe! Breathe throw the pain.
(Joey starts breathing hard)
Joey: I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and forth, taking Ross with him.)
Ross: I do too! I do too!
Joey: Argh!
Ross: Argh!
Joey: Argh!
Ross: Argh!
[Scene: The waiting room, Frank is on the phone as Rachel approaches.]
Frank: Yeah, I love you. Okay, bye! (To Rachel) Hi!
Rachel: Hi!
Frank: That was Alice's mom, she said she left five hours ago. She should be here by now!
Rachel: Oh, honey, don’t worry. She's gonna make it on time.
Frank: Yeah.
Rachel: Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh?
Frank: (laughs) Not to me.
Rachel: Yeah, fair enough.
[Scene: The delivery room, later on, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Frank are there as Dr. Harad is checking out Phoebe.]
Dr. Harad: Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies. All right, I want only the father in here please.
(They all kiss her and wish her luck.)
Monica: Bye Dan!
Dan: Uh, bye Monica.
Chandler: Bye, momi-moo.
(Everyone except Frank leaves.)
Dr. Harad: All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.
Phoebe: What is that?
(Dan turns on the TV and the Happy Days theme song comes on.)
Phoebe: Oh my God!
Dr. Harad: Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right, are you ready? It's time to start pushing.
[Cut to Joey's room, his doctor and Ross are there.]
Joey's Doctor: Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's almost time to try peeing. (Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)
[Cut to the delivery room.]
Dr. Harad: Okay, now push! That's it push! Just concentrate on pushing! Yeah, here we go!
Dan: I see the head.
Frank: Yes, it has a head!
Dr. Harad: All right. Keep pushing! Come on!
Frank: I can't believe there's somebody coming out of you right now. There's somebody coming out of you! Is it? Is it? It's my son.
Dr. Harad: All right. Here's your first baby.
[Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.]
Frank: YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!!
Chandler: Yes!
Frank: Frank Jr. Jr.!!
Rachel: Oh, how does he look? How does he look?
Frank: So gross! (He runs back to the delivery room.)
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is about to give birth to the middle kid.]
Dr. Harad: Okay. You ready to push again?
Phoebe: I already had a baby. Leave me alone.
Frank: Okay, okay, come on, you can do it. You can do it!
(Phoebe screams in pain, and Frank screams with her.)
[Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.]
Frank: Yeah!! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't believe I have two-two children. How scary is that? (He returns to the delivery room.)
[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.]
Frank: Come on little Chandler, it's time to be born. Come on little Chandler! Come on!
Dr. Harad: All right, he's coming. He's coming!
(They both stare at the newborn.)
Frank: Hey, where's his thing?
[Cut to the waiting room, a thrice triumphant Frank returns again.]
Frank: Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Oh God, kindergarten flashback.
Frank: They musta read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Okay, keep saying it!
Alice: (running in from the elevator) Am I too late?!
Frank: No-no ah, everything's okay. Everybody's healthy there's 30 fingers and 30 toes.
Alice: We have our babies?
Frank: Yeah.
Alice: (Starting to cry) Oh, we have our babies.
(They hug. And quickly that hug turns into a heated make out session, right there on the waiting room couch. Chandler, Rachel, and Monica quickly make their exits.)
[Scene: Joey's room, he is recovering from his birth.]
Joey: Oh my God.
Ross: You did it, man.
Joey's Doctor: Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.)
Joey: They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on their faces.)
[Scene: A hallway, Monica and Dan are talking.]
Dan: So, I'll call you tomorrow.
Monica: Great!
(Dan leaves as Chandler enters.)
Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?
Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not goof around with him.
Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary… Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.
Monica: I think you're better than you think you are.
Chandler: Really? Okay, so…
Monica: (interrupting) Know when to stop.
Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?
Monica: Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around.) Don't do the dance.
Chandler: Right!
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone except Rachel is there. Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are holding the babies.]
Monica: I think you're my favorite.
Phoebe: Which one do you have?
Monica: I don't care.
Rachel: (entering) Hi. (To Phoebe) Hey, hi! So uh, Frank and Alice wanted me to tell you that they're still outside making phone calls.
Phoebe: But umm, I mean, did you talk to them about, y'know…
Rachel: Yeah, umm, no honey.
Phoebe: Oh. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys can I just like have a second alone with the babies.
All: Yeah, sure yeah. Yeah.
(They hand her the babies and leave them alone.)
Phoebe: So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.) Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: The delivery room, everyone is hanging out with Phoebe. Frank, Alice, and the kids aren't there.]
Monica: Phoebe, we are so proud of you! You're amazing!
Phoebe: I know.
Rachel: So does it really hurt as bad as they say?
Phoebe: Yeah. You won't be able to take it.
Chandler: So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they gonna name her?
Phoebe: They're gonna call her Chandler.
Chandler: That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?
Phoebe: Works on you.
End

---

本文未完，查阅更多请“点击此处”阅读全文（Read more）……

Friends S5EP02 英文剧本（Free scripts)

The One With All The Kissing

---

Written by: Wil Calhoun

Transcribed by: Eric Aasen

---

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses.]

Monica: You look cute in bubbles.

Chandler: Ehh, you're just liquored up.

(They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)

Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!

(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what Chandler's doing.)

Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.

Joey: Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?

Chandler: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.

Joey: Okay.

(Joey turns to leave but stops at the door.)

Joey: You sure? Some extra crispy? Dirty rice? Beans?

Chandler: For the last time no! Get out! Get out, Joey!

Joey: All right!

(Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
Chandler: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about chicken.

Monica: Chicken? I could eat some chicken.

Chandler: Hey Joe!

(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)

Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a Coke-(Yelps in

pain as Monica grabs him underwater)-Diet Coke.

(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are eating breakfast.]

Phoebe: (entering) Hey!

Chandler: Hey, Pheebs!

Joey: Mornin' Pheebs!

Phoebe: I have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this driver…

Joey: (interrupting) Was his name Angus? (Monica and Chandler laugh.)

Phoebe: What?

Joey: Oh, he was this cab driver we had in London.

Phoebe: Oh. Ha-ha-ha. All right, anyway…

Monica: Wait, what that place, that pub he took us too?

Chandler: Uh, The Wheatsheaf.

Joey: Yeah-yeah-yeah, and they had that beer! That uh…

Monica: Bodington's!

All: Bodington's! Woohoo! (And they all high-five each other.)

Chandler: Ooh! Ahh, Pheebs, was gonna tell a story.

Phoebe: Yeah, so, he had a really funny hat—I don't want to talk about it.

Ross: (entering) Hey!

All: Hey!

Joey: Hey, Ross, Bodington's!

Ross: Yeah! (They high-five.)

Joey: That was good beer.

Ross: Ohh…

Joey: Y'know, I'd walk back to London for another frosty one of those bad boys.

Ross: Y'know, I think they have those at that British pub near the trade center.

Joey: Later! (Exits.)

Ross: Isn't Rachel supposed to be back by now?

Monica: Yeah, but her plane got delayed in Athens. But actually, (Checks watch) she should be here by now.

Ross: Oh, so-so you talked to her. Did she, did she sound mad?

Monica: No, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.

Ross: Okay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife! Rachel is my wife! Y'know—Emily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that?

Phoebe: So you still hadn't heard from Emily?

Ross: No, not since I lost her at the airport.

Chandler: I can't believe she can out run you man!

Ross: HEY, SHE'S FAST!! OKAY?!! (Chandler is so shocked at Ross's outburst that he drops his spoon and backs up) Oh! You-you think you can be beat me? Let's go! Outside!!

Rachel: (entering) Hi!

All: Hey! (They all go hug her, except for Ross.)

Ross: Rach, Rach, I am so sorry. I am so-so sorry.

Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! You just did what you had to do.

Ross: That's it? You're not mad? I mean, it must've been terrible.

Rachel: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)

Ross: So, what? That's it?

Rachel: Well, yeah! We're cool. Totally cool.

Ross: Oh, thanks. Oh, you're the best. (They hug.)

Rachel: Oh no, you're the best.

Ross: (breaking the hug) Ohh, I gotta go to the flower store! (Runs to the door.) Check it out, no one will tell me where Emily is, so I'm gonna send 72 long-stem, red roses to Emily's parent's house, one for each day that I've known and loved her. That oughta get her talking to me again.

Chandler: Oh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.

(Ross bangs his fists together to tell Chandler off, like what was learned last season. Read about it here.)

Monica: Rach, that's great! It's so good that you had a good time in Greece!

Rachel: What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going, "Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?" I mean, it was sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why, because I make very bad decisions.

Chandler: Oh that's not true.

Rachel: Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.

Phoebe: London is stupid! Stupid!

Rachel: Phoebe, you were right. I should've never gone to London, and from now on you make all of my decisions for me.

Phoebe: Oh… No, I did that for someone once and I'm not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone's life.

Monica: I'll do it!

Rachel: That's fine. So Monica, you are now in control of my love life.

Chandler: Okay, I gotta go to work.

(He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides to do something rather rash.)

Chandler: And uh, Rachel, glad to have you back.

(He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is shocked.)

Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Chandler and Joey are there looking at pictures from the trip to London.]

Monica: Oh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of Joey and you at the reception.

Rachel: Ohh, he's married! Ross is married. I can't—I still can't believe it. (Rachel grabs the picture from Monica)

Monica: Honey, sweetie, by the edges.

Rachel: I mean, y'know I'm just gonna have to accept it (She grabs the rest of the pictures)…

Monica: Ohh. (Monica covers her eyes in horror.)

Rachel: …I mean it's my fault.

Monica: Sweetie! Edges! Fingers! Smudgey! Pictures!

Rachel: Oh my God! (She licks the top picture and hands them back.)

Monica: Okay. That's okay. I-I know that you're very upset right now. I know, I know that wasn't about me.

Joey: (To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.

Monica: If you would stop thinking about Ross for one minute you would notice that there are great guys everywhere! I mean, look! Look, Gunther! (Gunther turns to listen in.) I mean, he's nice, he's cute.

Rachel: Yeah, I guess Gunther is kinda…

Monica: (Interrupting) Oh, what about that guy over there? (She points at another guy and Gunther is deflated.) Remember? That is the guy you flirted with at the counter that time.

Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I don't know.

Monica: You're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.

Rachel: All right, you're the boss. I guess I gotta do what you tell me.

Joey: Say that to him and you're golden. (She just glares at him.)

Phoebe: (entering) Hey!

Rachel: Hey!

Joey: Hey, Pheebs!

Monica: We got out pictures back from London. (Shows her one.) Here's all of us at the Tower of London.

Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't watch.)

Chandler: All right, y'know what, we've been talking about London too much haven't we?

Phoebe: No. I'm sorry. It's just 'cause I couldn't be there. 'Cause all I ever get to do now is pregnant stuff, it just bums me out.

All: Sorry.

(Rachel returns.)

Monica: What happened?

Rachel: Well, y'know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date tomorrow night.

Monica: See, didn't I tell you?! You're getting over Ross already!

Rachel: Well…

(Gunther goes up to the guy and holds a sign that reads, "We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.")

Gunther: (To the guy) Get out!

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters to find Monica waiting patiently for him. He closes the door and they start kissing.]

Monica: What took you so long?

Chandler: I got caught up and work, but I'm quitting tomorrow.

Monica: Oh, good.

(They start kissing and turn around so that Chandler is facing the door. And Chandler sees Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in and quickly ends the kiss with Monica.)

Chandler: So, thanks for having me over! Rach. (Goes over, grabs her, and kisses her.) Pheebs. (After a moment while he decides how to kiss her around her belly, grabs her and kisses her.)

Joey: (Jumping out of his way) See ya!! (To the girls.) What the hell was that?!

Monica: Probably some y'know, European good-bye thing he picked up in London.

Rachel: That's not European!

Phoebe: Well, it felt French.

(Joey is intrigued.)

[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Rachel is returning from her date with Dave.]

Rachel: Oh God, I really had a good time!

Dave: Yeah, me too. (They reach her door.) So, I guess this is it.

Rachel: Yeah. Umm, unless you wanna come inside?

Dave: Yeah!

Rachel: Okay. Oh, uh, wait a minute, y'know what? I uh, I can't decide this. Umm, okay, just hold on a second.

Dave: Okay, yeah!

(She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the couch with a big box.)

Rachel: Umm, hi!

Ross: Hi.

Rachel: Is Monica around? I-I have to ask her something.

Ross: She's doing her laundry.

Rachel: What's that? (Points to the box.)

Ross: It came in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!

Rachel: Oh, honey that's awful.

Ross: Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go wander out in the rain for a while.

Rachel: But, it's not raining.

Ross: I can't catch a break!

Rachel: Y'know what Ross? You're not going anywhere. You're gonna sit right here. I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and we're gonna talk this thing whole out. All right? (She goes out to talk to Dave) Hey, Dave!

Dave: Yeah?

Rachel: Umm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just really sick. Okay? Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know things seem so bad right now.

Monica: (Poking her head in) Rach? Can I talk to for just a minute? I-I dropped some socks.

Rachel: Yeah. (She goes out to join her in the hall and starts looking for the dropped socks.)

Monica: What is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you want to fall into the trap?!

Rachel: Ohh! You did not drop any socks!

Monica: I just ran into Dave and he told me that you blew him off! I mean, you listen to me! Now, I'm calling the shots! I say you leave Ross alone and go get Dave! What the hell were you trying to do?

Rachel: Well, ultimately, I was trying y'know, I-I wanted…tell him y'know, that I'm still in love with him.

Monica: (Gasps) What?!! You cannot tell him that!!

Rachel: Why? Why not?! People love to hear that!

Monica: I make the decisions, and I say no.

Rachel: Well, y'know what, no, you do not make my decisions because y'know what, you're fired.

Monica: You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired!" Ha!

Rachel: Well… (At a loss for words, she grabs some of Monica's laundry and throws it on the floor as a diversion to allow Rachel to run back inside and close the door. Monica chases her to find that Rachel had locked the door.)

Monica: Rachel!! Come on! Let me in!

Joey: (Poking his head out.) Havin' some trouble?

Monica: Rachel locked the door.

Joey: I'll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar.

Commercial Break

[Scene: The hallway, continued from earlier. Monica is still locked out.]

Monica: Rachel! Let me in! Rachel!

[Cut to inside the apartment, Ross decides to let Monica in and goes over and opens the door in mid-pound.]

Monica: Thank you. Rachel, can I talk to you outside for a sec?

Rachel: No.

Monica: I really need to talk to you.

Rachel: Well, then talk!

Monica: Okay, I will. Remember that thing that we just discussed that you wanted to do?

Rachel: Yes!

Ross: What thing?

Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.

Ross: Monica's right, swing dancing can be tricky. I'm gonna use the phone. I gotta cancel those five giant teddy bears I sent to Emily. (Looks at the rose mulch.) My God, think of the massacre.

Rachel: I'm gonna do it.

Monica: All right, Rachel, I know-I know you think I'm crazy, please, before you tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea. Because I bet you, you can't.

Rachel: But I…

Monica: Please!

Rachel: All right, fine.

(There's a loud bang on the door.)

Monica: Joey, I'm in!

Joey: (In tremendous pain) All right. Good deal.

[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters.]

All: Pheebs! Hey Pheebs!

Joey: Uh, okay, Pheebs?

Phoebe: Yeah?

Joey: Umm, y'know how the other day you were talking about how you didn't get to go to London and how you were kinda feeling left out?

Phoebe: Yeah?

Joey: All right, well, we felt really bad about that so we decided we should all take a little trip together!

Phoebe: Ohh, that's so nice! How great! Well, where? Where's the trip?!

Monica: Well, we thought we would all go to a picnic (Phoebe gasps), in Central Park!

Phoebe: (excited) Central…(not so excited) Park!

Joey: Yeah, all of us! All day!

Phoebe: That sucks! That's not a trip! I just came from the park! What are we gonna high five about at the stupid Central Park? "Well, it's right by my house, all right!"

Chandler: Well, I'm gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park idea. (Gets up to leave.)

Rachel: (stopping him) Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr. Kissey! Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable and I just—y'know—stop it!

Chandler: I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.

Phoebe: That's fine, just don't bring it in my mouth.

Monica: Makes me wanna puke! (Chandler looks at her, quizzically.)

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with Phoebe.]

Ross: Hey everybody, Pheebs is here!

Joey: Phoebe!

Chandler: Hey, Pheebs!

Rachel: Phoebe, woo!

Phoebe: Okay, woo! Hi.

Chandler: Okay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little… Y'know, it didn't have any… It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!

Phoebe: Ooh, Atlantic City! Oh, that's a great plan! Who's plan was that?

Joey: Mine!

Ross: Wait! It was my plan.

Joey: Nooo, I said we needed a new plan.

Ross: And, I came up with Atlantic City.

Joey: Which, is the new plan!

Monica: Okay, well, why don't we all meet upstairs in an hour?

Phoebe: Okay! Ooh-ahh, I'm gonna go pack. I'm gonna go pack my ass off!

(They all go pack except for Ross.)

Monica: Come on Rach, let's go.

Rachel: Yeah, y'know what? I'm-I'm gonna meet you upstairs in a minute.

Monica: No! Rachel, you didn't find anyone so you can't tell him.

Rachel: Well, y'know what, that doesn't matter.

Monica: Okay, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone that you love them and not have them say it back?

Rachel: Yeah, I-I don't care.

Monica: Okay. I-I can't watch. (Leaves as sits down to read the paper.)

Rachel: What 'cha readin'?

Ross: The paper.

Rachel: Yeah, what's it about?

Ross: Events from around the globe.

Rachel: Okay. Uhh, Ross, y'know what, there's something that I-that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong.

Ross: Sure. Once, at work I-I thought carbon dating was fossilized…

Rachel: Okay, Ross, I'm really trying to tell you something here.

Ross: Yeah.

Rachel: Okay.

Ross: Go ahead.

Rachel: Umm, okay, I think I'm-I'm just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say it. Uhh, (pause) I'm still in love with you Ross.

(Ross is stunned.)

Ross: Wow. Umm… Huh… I'm-I'm not sure what to do with that right now.

(Rachel starts laughing hysterically.)

Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.

Rachel: (Laughing) I'm so dead serious. I'm totally serious.

Ross: Why are you laughing?

Rachel: Because (laughs), because, I just heard it. I heard it, and it's ridiculous! I mean, you're married. You're-you're married and it's just ridiculous, and it's like, it's like when said it, I sort of like, I floated up out of my body, y'know? And, and-and then I heard myself say it and then the floating Rachel (laughs) was like, "You are such an idiot!"

Ross: Well, well I am married. Even though I haven't spoken to my wife since the wedding.

Rachel: (laughs) I'm sorry, that's not funny.

Ross: Actually, it kinda is. My wife won't return my calls. I don't know where my wife is. (Laughs) "Hey Ross, where's the Mrs.?" Don't know!

Rachel: Oh God, ohh, okay, y'know what, do you think ah, do you think that you just forget that I told you this?

Ross: Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is…

Rachel: The thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily.

Ross: That is what the thing is.

Rachel: Ross, things aren't gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that just the stupidest thing, me telling you that?

Ross: No. No. No, I'm-I'm glad you did. Look, if nothing else, it's-it's always great when someone tells you they love you.

Rachel: That's what I said! Thank you for being so nice. (They hug.)

Ross: No thank you for… Thank you.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is about ready to leave for Atlantic City.]

Ross: Okay, let's go!

Chandler: Atlantic City!

Phoebe: Atlantic City, baby! Let's roll some bones! Hey Joey, high-five for rolling bones!

(They high-five and howl, but Phoebe suddenly stops and the guys gasp and retreat in shock.)

Joey: Uh, Pheebs, you're leaking?

Monica: Oh my God! You're water broke!

The Guys: Ohh!

Phoebe: All right. Well, don't worry, I call shotgun! (She starts out the door.)

All: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Wait-wait!

Chandler: Pheebs! We have to take you to the hospital now!

Ross: Pheebs, Pheebs, the babies are coming now.

Rachel: High-five, the babies are coming! (They all high-five.)

Phoebe: Wait, wait, remember when my water broke? (They all high-five again.)

Ending Credits

[Scene: The hallway between the apartments, they are taking Phoebe to the hospital but Chandler and Monica hold back.]

Monica: I can't believe Phoebe's gonna have her babies!

Chandler: I know, it's beautiful. Amazing.

(They both kiss.)

Chandler: Y'know what else I can't believe? I had to kiss Phoebe and Rachel every time I left a room, I mean it's too bad they didn't see us having sex.

Monica: Do you know anything about women?

Chandler: No.

Monica: That's all right.

Chandler: Okay. (They kiss again.)

End

本文未完，查阅更多请“点击此处”阅读全文（Read more）……

基弗-萨瑟兰将续演《24小时》第8季

昨天中午，著名影星基弗·萨瑟兰接受了本报记者的专访。前晚，梦工场3D动画《大战外星人》在香港举行亚洲首映礼，基弗·萨瑟兰作为英语原版配音演员出席活动。据悉，《大战外星人》将于3月31日在内地上映，比香港还早。

　　基弗·萨瑟兰之前以《24小时》中的杰克·鲍尔一角为观众熟知，作为一个全能的英雄“特工”在接受本报记者专访时，基弗·萨瑟兰透露，他将继续在热门反恐题材电视剧《24小时》第8季中扮演特工杰克·鲍尔，与各路恐怖分子展开殊死较量。

　　萨瑟兰表示，《24小时》第8季将于今年5月开拍，但其最终长度要取决于编剧的“笔功”。萨瑟兰饰演的鲍尔以果敢、智慧的形象深入人心，但萨瑟兰并不担心自己会因为出演鲍尔而被定型，他还没有过多考虑过自己以后的角色类型。

　　萨瑟兰还说，《24小时》能否长演不衰，还要依赖于编剧塑造角色的能力，“真正的压力在编剧方面”。

　　一年12个月中有10个月都是忙于《24小时》的工作上，老是沉湎于自己是一个英雄，回到现实时萨瑟兰是否会有无力感？基弗·萨瑟兰对此笑着否认：“无论是《24小时》中的杰克·鲍尔，还是《大战外星人》中的猛哥将军，我只当他们这两个角色是我的另外一个身份，对我来说，他们跟苹果、橘子没有什么区别，只是一种代号或者说符号。当我在电影世界里，我当然要告诉孩子们我们能全力击退敌人。但回到现实世界，我就是基弗·萨瑟兰。我不会感到任何困惑和无力感。 ”

　　基弗·萨瑟兰有多红？

　　基弗·萨瑟兰曾凭《24小时》赢得了2002年的金球奖和2006年的艾美奖最佳男主角奖，他是好莱坞第2377位留名星光大道的明星。他曾是茱莉亚·罗伯茨的未婚夫。对于美国大众来说，他跟前好友杰森·派屈克和前未婚妻茱莉亚·罗伯茨之间的三角恋情都比他的任何一部电影角色更印象深刻。

　　来自网络的一篇文章用调侃的语气狠狠地夸奖了基弗·萨瑟兰饰演的杰克·鲍尔：如果有什么东西用Google查不到的话，就去问杰克·鲍尔好了；在96个小时里，你都干了些啥——人家杰克·鲍尔杀了93个人，拯救了世界4次！(广州日报 王振国)

本文未完，查阅更多请“点击此处”阅读全文（Read more）……

Friends S5EP01 英文剧本（Free scripts)

The One After Ross Says Rachel

Written by: Seth Kurland
Transcribed by: Eric Aasen

[Scene: Ross’s Wedding, continued from last season, the Minister is about to marry Ross and Emily.]

Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. (Time lapse) Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...

Ross: I Ross...

Minister: Take thee, Emily...

Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He realizes what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.

Minister: (Looking and feeling awkward. he looks towards Emily.) Uhh...Shall I go on?

Rachel: (To the woman sitting in front of her) He-he said Rachel, right? Do you think I should go up there?

Emily: Yes, yes, do go on.

Minister: I think we’d better start again. Ross, repeat after me. I, Ross…

Ross: I, Ross…

Minister: Take thee, EM-I-LY…

Ross: Take thee, (Glares at the Minister) Emily. (Chuckles) Like there’d be anybody else. (Emily is glaring at him.)

Minister: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death parts us.

Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us. Really, I do. Emily. (Points at her.)

Minister: May I have the rings? (He is given the rings) Emily, place this ring on Ross’s finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. (She jams the ring onto his finger) Ross, place this ring in Emily’s hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever.

Ross: Happy too.

Minister: Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great pleasure to declare them husband and wife.

Ross: Yay!

Minister: You may kiss the bride.

(He goes to kiss her, but she isn’t very receptive of the kiss. She keeps avoiding him, until Ross finally gets to kiss her on her cheek.)

Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when he married the lesbian.

(The band starts to play, and the recessional starts. Ross tries to take Emily’s hand, but she snatches it away from him.)

Emily: Just keep smiling.

Ross: Okay.

Joey: Well, that went well. Yeah.

Chandler: It could’ve been worse, he could’ve shot her.

(Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.)

Ross: (laughs) That uh, that was pretty funny. Wasn’t it?

(Emily gives him a forearm shot across the stomach.)

Opening Credits

[Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.]

Emily: (Yelling from inside the bathroom) You’ve spoiled everything! It’s like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this to me?!

Joey: (To the gang) Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily, we still get cake right?

Ross: (exiting the bathroom) That-that-that’s all right, no honey, you take your time sweetie. I’ll be right out here. (She slams the door in his face, to the gang) She’s just fixing her makeup.

Emily: I hate you!!

Ross: And, I love you!! (He walks into the living room)

Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?

Ross: That’s true, thanks dad. (To All) People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! (He starts to dance but stops when no one else joins him.)

(Mrs. Waltham’s phone rings and she answers it.)

Mrs. Waltham: Yes, Waltham interiors.

Phoebe: (On the phone, in New York) Uh, hello, this is Ross Geller’s personal physician, Dr. Philange.

Mrs. Waltham: Who?

Phoebe: Yeah, I’ve discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh women’s names are interchangeable, through-through no fault of his own.

Mrs. Waltham: Oh my God, Phoebe.

Phoebe: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too!

(Mrs. Waltham hangs up on her.)

Phoebe: Hello?

(Cut to Chandler and Monica at the buffet table.)

Chandler: Hey.

Monica: Hey.

Chandler: Oh wow, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, I’m just kinda worried about what it might do to our friendship.

Monica: I know. How could we have let this happen?

Chandler: Seven times!

Monica: Ugh! Well, y’know, we were away…

Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country…

Monica: I blame London.

Chandler: Bad London! (Takes a spoon and smacks the turkey.)

Monica: So look umm, while we’re st-still in London, I mean, we can keep doing it right?

Chandler: Well, I don’t see that we have a choice. But, when we’re back home, we don’t do it.

Monica: Only here.

Chandler: Y’know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs…

Monica: I’ll meet you there in two minutes.

Chandler: Okay!

(He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him but is intercepted by Rachel.)

Rachel: Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something.

Monica: (impatiently) Now?

Rachel: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just can’t pretend that didn’t happen can I?

Monica: Oh, I-I don’t know.

Rachel: Monica, what should I do?

Monica: Just uh, do the right thing. (Uses some breath spray)

Rachel: What?

Monica: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! (Tries to leave, but is stopped by Rachel.)

Rachel: Whoa, wait, listen, I think I’m just gonna talk to Ross about what he think it meant.

Monica: Wait. Rachel, no, he’s married. Married! If you don’t realize that, I can’t help you.

Rachel: Okay, you’re right. You’re right. You can’t help me.

(Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller.)

Mrs. Geller: Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents?

Mr. Waltham: (walking by) Yes.

Mr. Geller: Oh yeah, well who serves steak when there’s no place to sit, I mean how are you supposed to eat this?

Joey: Hey, what’s up? (He has solved the problem of eating the steak, he’s eating it with his hands.)

(Cut to Monica and Chandler, Monica is running up to him.)

Monica: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar?

Chandler: Forget it, that’s off.

Monica: Why?!

Mr. Waltham: (drunkenly) The next tour of the wine cellar will plan in two in-in minutes…

(Joey walks up to them.)

Monica: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldn’t eat meat until she has the babies!

Joey: Well, I figured we’re in another country, so it doesn’t count.

Monica: That’s true.

Chandler: The man’s got a point.

(Cut to Rachel and Ross.)

Rachel: Oh, hi!

Ross: Hi!

Rachel: Hi. Sorry, things aren’t working out so well.

Ross: Oh no! It could be better, but it’s gonna be okay, right?

Rachel: Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, she’s gonna get over this, y’know? I mean, so you said my name! Y’know you just said it ‘cause you saw me there, if you’d have seen a circus freak, you would’ve said, "I take thee circus freak." Y’know, it didn’t mean anything, it’s just a mistake. It didn’t mean anything. Right?

Ross: No! No! Of course it didn’t mean anything! I mean, uh well, I can understand why Emily would think it meant something, y’know, because-because it was you…

Rachel: Right…

Ross: But it absolutely didn’t. (Yelling towards the bathroom) It didn’t!! It didn’t!!

Joey: (approaching) Ross, hey, the band’s ready outside for your first dance with Emily, so…

Ross: (sarcastic) Oh! Oh-oh, the band’s ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band says—I don’t care about the stupid band!!

Joey: You spit on me man! (Wipes his face.)

Ross: Look, I’m sorry.

Joey: Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh?

Rachel: (laughs) Y’know when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.

Ross: Oh, right!

Rachel: Get the hell out of there, y’know?

(They all start laughing, and quickly stop when they realize what she just said and run over to the bathroom.)

Ross: (Bangs on the bathroom door) Emily? Emily? I’m coming in. (He opens the door to reveal that the window is gone, along with Emily.)

Rachel: Well, look at that, same thing.

[Scene: London Marriott, Monica and Chandler are walking to her room.]

Chandler: Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word, "Yippee!" just ignore me.

(She laughs and opens the door to reveal Rachel sitting on the bed.)

Monica: Oh my God, Rachel! Hi!

Chandler: Oh, hello Rachel.

Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still loves me! (They both just stare at her.) Okay, don’t believe me, I know I’m right—do you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?

Chandler: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first.

Monica: Yes, I want to change. And why-why don’t you go down and get us a table?

Chandler: Yeah, we’ll be down in like five minutes.

Monica: (elbows him) Fifteen minutes.

Rachel: Okay.

(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)

Rachel: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! (To them) It’s Phoebe!

Chandler: Oh, yay…

Monica: Great…

Rachel: Hi!

Phoebe: Hi, so what happened?

Rachel: Well, Ross said my name.

Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but I don’t think that means anything.

Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, y’know what, let’s look at this objectively all right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then…

Chandler: (To Monica) Hey, listen, why don’t we go change in my room?

Monica: But my clothes are—ohh! (They both leave.)

(Cut to Chandler’s room, he opens the door slowly to see if Joey is there and after seeing that he isn’t, ushers Monica into the room, closes the door, and the security bar.)

Chandler: Wow, you look…

Monica: No time for that!

(They both start to frantically rip each other’s clothes off, but are interrupted when Joey tries to open the door.)

Joey: Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here!

Chandler: Well, I’ve got a girl in here.

Joey: No you don’t, I just saw you go in there with Monica!

Chandler: Well, we’re-we’re hanging out in here!

Joey: Look, which one of us is gonna be having sex in there, me or you?

Chandler: Well, I suppose I’d have to say you!! But, what if we’re watching a movie in here?

Monica: Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. It’s My Giant!

Joey: My Giant? I love that movie!

[Scene: Ross and Emily’s room, Chandler and Monica are still looking for a place to do the deed.]

Monica: You really think this is okay?

Chandler: Well, Ross and Emily aren’t gonna use it.

Monica: Oh, it’s so beautiful. Ohh! Y’know, I-I don’t know if I feel right about this.

Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn’t get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.

Monica: Okay!

Chandler: Okay!

(They both run to rip the covers off the bed, but are interrupted by Ross.)

Ross: (entering) Emily?!

Chandler: Nope, not under here!

Monica: You didn’t find her?

Ross: No, I’ve looked everywhere!

Chandler: Well, you couldn’t have looked everywhere or else you would’ve found her!

Monica: Yeah, I think you should keep looking!

Chandler: Yeah, for about 30 minutes.

Monica: Or 45.

Chandler: Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice. (Monica smiles at that.)

Ross: No! For all I know, she’s trying to find me but couldn’t because I kept moving around. No, from now on, I’m staying in one place. (He sits down on the bed.) Right here.

Monica: Well, it’s getting late.

Chandler: Yeah, we’re gonna go.

Ross: Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while?

Monica: Ugh, y’know, umm we gotta get up early and catch that plane for New York.

Chandler: Yeah, it’s a very large plane.

Ross: (disappointed) That’s cool.

Chandler: But, we’ll stay here with you.

Ross: Thanks guys! (They both sit down on either side of him.) I really appreciate this, y’know, but you don’t have to rub my butt.

(Chandler slowly takes his hand away.)

Commercial Break

[Scene: Ross and Emily’s room, the next morning. Ross is now asleep and has his head in Monica’s lap and his feet on Chandler’s lap. Monica and Chandler are both still awake and depressed.]

Chandler: We have to leave for New York in an hour.

Monica: I know, I’ve been looking at those doors, they look pretty sound proof, don’t you think?

Chandler: We can’t do that that’s insane. I mean ‘A’ he could wake up and ‘B’ y’know, let’s go for it.

(They both try to slowly extricate themselves from Ross, but there’s a knock on the door that awakens him.)

Ross: Em-Emily? (Looking around for her.) Em-Emily? (He runs to the door.) Emily! (He opens the door to reveal the Walthams standing outside.)

Mr. Waltham: No.

Mrs. Waltham: You can forget about Emily, she’s not with us.

Mr. Waltham: We’ve come for her things.

Ross: Wait, well wh-wh-wh-where is she?

Mr. Waltham: She’s in hiding. She’s utterly humiliated. She doesn’t want to see you ever again.

Mrs. Waltham: We’re very sad that it didn’t work out between you and Emily, monkey. But, I think you’re absolutely delicious.

Mr. Waltham: Excuse me, I’m standing right here!

Mrs. Waltham: Oh yes, there you are.

Rachel: (entering, carrying an armful of those little soaps.) Hey-hey, you guys oh hurry up, get some, there’s a whole cart outside… (Sees the Walthams and stops.)

Mr. Waltham: Goodbye Geller.

Ross: Now, hold on! Hold on! (Stops him) Look, look, your daughter and I are supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon, now-now you-you tell her that I’m gonna be at that airport and I hope that she’ll be there too! Oh yeah, I said Rachel’s name, but it didn’t mean anything, Okay? She’s-she’s just a friend and that’s all! (Rachel sits down, depressed.) That’s all! Now just tell Emily that I love her and that I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. Please, promise me that you’ll tell her that.

Mr. Waltham: All right, I’ll tell her. (To his wife) Come on bugger face!

Mrs. Waltham: (As she walks pass Ross, she pats his but.) Call me.

Mr. Waltham: You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don’t you ever go out the bloody window!

[Scene: A 747 somewhere over the North Atlantic, Monica and Chandler are sitting in first class, depressed.]

Monica: Y’know, maybe it’s best that we never got to do it again.

Chandler: Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. (Realizes something) Y’know, technically we still are over international waters.

Monica: I’m gonna go to the bathroom, maybe I’ll see you there in a bit?

Chandler: ‘Kay!

(Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is startled to see Joey sitting in Monica’s seat.)

Joey: Can I ask you something?

Chandler: Uhh, no.

Joey: Felicity and I, we’re watching My Giant, and I was thinking, "I’m never gonna be as good an actor as that giant." Do you think I’m just wasting my life with this acting thing?

Chandler: No.

Joey: I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, y’know, you think I’ll ever get there?

Chandler: Yes.

Joey: Thanks man.

Chandler: Okay man. (Chandler starts to get up.)

Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?

(Time lapse, Chandler is finishing his third little bottle of booze.)

Joey: I mean, there’s no way I can make myself taller now, y’know? And who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful, regular sized man?

(Monica returns.)

Joey: Hey, Monica, wow you’ve been in the bathroom for like a half-hour.

Monica: I know!

Joey: Had the beef-tips, huh?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating cereal from a bowl she has balanced on her stomach as Joey, Chandler, and Monica return.]

Phoebe: Hey!

Chandler: Hey!

Joey: Hi!

(They all hug.)

Phoebe: (To Joey) You ate meat! (Joey is shocked) (To Chandler and Monica) You had sex! (They’re shocked.)

Chandler: No we didn’t!

Phoebe: I know you didn’t, I was talking about Monica.

Monica: Phoebe, I did not have sex.

Phoebe: This pregnancy is throwing me all off.

Joey: All right, I’m gonna go say hi the chick and the duck.

Phoebe: Oh, me too!

Joey: Why would you need to say hi to them, you’ve been feeding them for four days?

Phoebe: Oh right, maybe I’ll just go home.

(She grabs her bag and leaves, Joey moves a little quicker to his apartment, leaving Monica and Chandler alone.)

Monica: Well, we certainly are alone.

Chandler: Yes! Good thing we have that, ‘Not in New York’ rule.

Monica: Right. Umm, listen since we’re-we-re on that subject, umm, I just wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross’s mother…

Chandler: Right.

Monica: Well, an-anyway, I just—that night meant a lot to me, I guess I’m just trying to say thanks.

Chandler: Oh. Y’know, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasn’t because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me ‘cause, you’re really hot! Is that okay?

Monica: (laughs) That’s okay.

Chandler: And I’m cute too.

Monica: And you’re cute too.

Chandler: Thank you! (They hug.) All right, I gotta go unpack.

Monica: Okay.

Chandler: Bye.

(After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and stops.)

Chandler: (entering) I’m still on London time, does that count?

Monica: That counts!

Chandler: Oh, good! (They start kissing.)

[Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.]

Ross: Rach! Rach!

Rachel: (she stops and turns) Hi!

Ross: Hi! What are you, what are you doing here?

Rachel: Well, I-I-I’ve been on Standby for a flight home for hours.

Ross: Oh.

Rachel: Ohh, so no sign of Emily huh?

Ross: Not yet.

Rachel: So umm, what time are you supposed to leave?

Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The last call.

Ross: Pretty soon I guess.

Rachel: Yeah. I’m sorry.

Ross: I just, I don’t understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Y’know, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that she’d actually show up?

Rachel: No, you’re not an idiot, Ross. You’re a guy very much in love.

Ross: Same difference.

Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens should now be on board.

Ross: I get it! Well, that’s that.

Rachel: No, you know what, I think you should go.

Ross: What?

Rachel: Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear your head, I think it’d be really good.

Ross: Oh, I don’t, I don’t, I don’t know…

Rachel: Oh, come on Ross! I think it would be really good for you!

Ross: I could, yeah, I can do that.

Rachel: Yeah.

Ross: I can’t, I can’t even believe her! No, y’know what, I am, I am gonna go!

Rachel: Good!

Ross: I know, why not?

Rachel: Right!

Ross: Right?

Rachel: Right!

Ross: Y’know—thanks! (They hug)

Rachel: Okay, I’ll see you back at home, if I ever get a flight out of here.

Ross: Yeah, well…nah.

Rachel: What? Wait, what?

Ross: Why don’t you come, I mean, I-I have two tickets, why not?

Rachel: Well-well, I don’t know Ross—really?

Ross: Yeah, yeah, it’ll be great! You can, you can lay on the beach and I can cry over my failed marriage. See-see how I make jokes?

Rachel: Uh-huh.

Ross: No really, I mean, I mean, God, I could use a friend.

Rachel: Oh wow, uh okay, uh maybe. Umm, yes, I can do that!

Ross: Okay!

Rachel: Okay!

Ross: Cool!

Rachel: All right!

Ross: Come on! (They go to the jetway, Ross hands the tickets to the gate agent.) Here.

Rachel: Oh, okay, we’re going. Yeah.

Ross: Ah! Ah! I forgot my jacket!

Rachel: Oh, wait-wait-wait…

Ross: You tell them to wait!

Rachel: Okay. Wait! Wait!

(Ross retrieves his jacket and sees that not only has Emily arrived, but she as seen Rachel take her place on the plane.)

Ross: Emily.

(She stares at him and Ross realizes what she’s thinking.)

Ross: Oh no-no-no! Oh-no! (Emily starts to run out and Ross chases her.) No! No! Emily!

Ending Credits

[Scene: Flight 1066 to Athens, Rachel is ordering a drink for Ross and herself.]

Rachel: Ahh, yes, I will have a glass of the Merlot and uh, (points to Ross’s seat.) he will have a white wine spritzer. Woo! (Looks out the window.) Hey, look at that, the airport’s moving. (Realizes that that’s not how it works.) Hey, are we moving?! Are we moving? Why are we moving? Hey, time-out, umm, yeah, does the captain know that we’re moving? (Sits back in defeat.) Oh my God. Oh, my gosh.

End

本文未完，查阅更多请“点击此处”阅读全文（Read more）……