ORIGINAL AIRDATE: : Wed, Sep. 26th, 2007 @ 9pm (CW)
WRITTEN BY JOSH SCHWARTZ, STEPHANIE SAVAGE
DIRECTED BY MARK PIZNARSKI
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TRANSCRIPT:
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[EXT NEW YORK]
[INT LIMOUSINE - Blair, Nate, Chuck, Katy and Isabel are drinking champagne]
[INT 'KISS ON THE LIPS PARTY' - Katy is dancing]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Good morning, Upper East Siders! Gossip Girl here. Your one and only source in the scandalous lives of Manhatten's elite. Top story on my homepage: Serena van der Woodsen. Everybody's favourite It-Girl has just returned from a mysterious absence.
[INT TRAIN - Serena is looking out of the window]
[INT GRAND CENTRAL STATION - Serena walks in]
[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - Chuck, Katy and Isabel are sitting on a couch, Katy and Isabel are looking at their messages on their cell phones]
Katy
You'll never believe what's on 'Gossip Girl'!
Isabel
Someone saw Serena getting off a train at Grand Central!
[EXT NEW YORK - Several people on the streets receive the news over their cell phones that Serena has returned]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Everyone knows Serena. And everyone is talking
[INT BLAIR'S BEDROOM - Blair and Nate are kissing on the bed, half undressed, Eleaonr interrupts them]
Eleanor
Blair, it's Serena!
Nate
Serena?
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
And B's boyfriend Nate? Rumour has it he's always had a thing for Serena.
[EXT THE PALACE HOTEL]
Nate
But you'r back now.
Serenar
I didn't come back for you. Look, Blair is my best friend and you're her boyfriend and she loves you.
[INT OSTROFF CENTER - Serena is looking into her brother's room]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Why did she leave? Why did she return?
Eleanor
Must be a lot of rumours why you're back.
Serenar
Yeah, but none of them mentioned you.
[INT OSTROFF CENTER - HALLWAY]
Serenar
He tries to take his own life and you're worried it's gonna cost you 'Mom Of The Year'.
Lily
You have no idea what it's been like.
[FLASHBACK - INT BAR - Serena and Nate are having sex, Chuck is watching from the balcony]
Chuck
Best friend and the boyfriend. That's pretty classy, S.
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
And Nate's friend Chuck won't let Serena forget about her past.
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - KITCHEN]
Serenar
I'm trying to change.
Chuck
I liked you better before.
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - BAR - Serena crashes into Dan]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
And then there's Dan: Outsider, looks like his childhood crush has returned.
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - FOYER]
Dan
She doesn't know me. Nobody knows me. It's cool.
Concierge
Serena! Do you know this young man?
Serenar
Uhm, from last night.
Dan
You remember me?
[Dan walks off but then turns around]
Dan
You'd really go out with some guy you don't know?
Serenar
Well, you can't be worse than the guys I do know.
[INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - KITCHEN]
Rufus
Guess who's dad is cool!
Jenny
It's a trick question.
Dan
Yeah, 'cause it can't be ours.
[Dan looks at the front page of 'Rolling Stone']
Dan
'Top 10 Forgotten Bands Of The '90s'.
Rufus
Yeah, check out who's number nine.
Jenny
He's very proud.
Dan
Hey, hey way to be forgotten.
[INT THE HUMPHREY'S ART GALLERY]
Lily
Why is my daughter going to one of your concerts?
Rufus
Well, our kids were about to meet. It's a small island.
Lily
You're sure it's not some ploy your using my daughter to get to me? Now that your wife left you?
[INT 'KISS ON THE LIPS' PARTY - Dan and Serena are walking through the crowd]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Serena and her mystery man made a surprise appearance at Blair's 'Kiss On The Lips' party.
Isabel and Katy
Serena's here?
Blair
What is she doing here? She wasn't invited.
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
But Serena wasn't the only one who made an impression.
[INT 'KISS ON THE LIPS' PARTY - Chuck notices Jenny]
Chuck
Who's the newbie?
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Jenny made an impression on Chuck.
Chuck
Let's go and talk somewhere private.
[EXT ROOF TOP - Chuck tries violently to kiss Jenny]
Jenny
No, stop!
Dan
Hey! That is my little sister!
[EXT ROOF TOP - Dan punches Chuck in the face]
Serenar
Don't you ever touch her again!
Chuck
Hey, you're life is over, slut!
[EXT 'KISS ON THE LIPS' PARTY - Blair and Chuck watch Dan, Jenny and Serena get into a cab]
Blair
She better not show her face again.
Chuck
I'm actually hoping she will.
Dan
So, think I've got a shot at a second date?
Serenar
We talk about it in the cab.
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
And now that S is back... will the Upper East Side ever be the same? We're all just dying to see what happens next.
END OF TEASER [EXT NEW YORK]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
I bet you're wondering what Gossip Girl is doing up so early. Truth is: I never went to bed. Why waste precious time dreaming when waking life is so much better?
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - KITCHEN - Ice cubes are thrown into a bucket, lemons and cucumbers are being sliced, eggs scrambled]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Is there really anything better than a lazy sunday? Reading the paper in bed, sipping coffee, scrambling an egg or two. Yeah, right. We Upper East Siders don't do lazy: Breakfast is brunch and it comes with champagne, a dress code and a hundred of our closest friends... and enemies.
[Tables get decorated, flowers arranged, strawberries are being dipped in chocolate]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Chuck's dad Bart Bass is hosting the annual brunch for his foundation. Everyone is invited. Well, not everyone.
[INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - Dan opens a garage door which seperates his room from his sister's]
Dan
Oh, hey, you're up.
Jenny
And you're checking up on me. I'm ok, really, I'm ok. You know, I was ok when you asked me at the party and in the cab, when we got home, before and after I brushed my teeth. Well, I just feel really... stupid. I mean, how could I'Ve actually thought that Chuck Bass just wanted to talk to me?
Dan
Because you trust people which is normally a good thing
Jenny
Yeah, except when it involes Chuck.
Dan
Yeah, pretty much.
Jenny
So, the real question is: How are you?
Dan
Me? Why wouldn't I be ok?
Jenny
You know, at the end of the night with Serena and the... the...
[Jenny makes a waving gesture]
Dan
Was it really that bad?
[FLASHBACK - LAST NIGHT - CAB - Jenny, Dan and Serena are sitting in the cab, Serena is getting out, then stops]
Serena
This is me. So, good night.
Dan
Yeah, uhm, yeah, good night.
[Serena gets out of the cab]
Jenny
Go! Walk her to the door! Something! Go!
[Dan nods and tries to get out of the cab but the doors slams into his head, the cab starts to drive off]
Jenny
Whoa, stop, stop, sir, stop, stop!
Dan
I think I have brain damage.
Jenny
You know, Dan, if you had brain damage you wouldn't even know you had brain damage.
Dan
No, let's go, please. Williamsburg.
Jenny
No!
[Serena looks inside through the side window}
Dan
Howie
hi.
[Dan waves at Serena, the cab drives off, Serena looks puzzled after the cab and waves slightly]
[INT OSTROFF CENTER - ERIK'S ROOM - Erik is sitting on his chair, looking at his hand]
Erik
So he waved? I wouldn't have taken him for a waver.
Serena
No, he was just trying to be funny.
Erik
Or maybe he is shy.
Serena
Or he hates me.
Erik
No guy in the history of the world has ever hated you.
[INT HOME OF THE HUMPRHEYS - JENNY'S ROOM - Dan is pacing up and down, Jenny is lying on her bad looking through a magazine]
Dan
She probably thinks I hate her now. I waited my entire adolescent life for a date with this girl. You know, Serena van der Woodsen! And I decided to close the evening with a wave.
Jenny
It was a nice wave.
Dan
At the end of a date? Come on, there's no such thing. And you only get one shot with a girl like Serena. I got mine and I blew it.
Jenny
Which means you've got nothing to loose.
Dan
Nothing except my last shred of dignity.
Jenny
Oh no, I think that's gone.
Dan
You're right. You know, I'll just... I'll go talk to here. I'm gonna apologise for the wave, I gonna tell her how much I like her and I'm gonna ask for a second shot... and I'm gonna get a second shot.
Jenny
Yeah you are!
Dan
Yeah.
[Dan walks out of the room]
Jenny
Wait, wait, wait! I love the plan but uhm... you need a better outfit... and maybe a shower.
[Dan heads into his room and closes the garage door]
[INT ERIK'S ROOM - Serena is pacing up and down]
Serena
Whatever, it is probably for the best. The last thing I need in my life is another guy. He was just so smart, though, and funny...
Erik
It sounds like you like him.
Serena
... and really nice. God, Blair was so plain to me last night. I don't even know why. Whatever, I'm sure if we talk about it we can work it out. Hey, maybe I should go over there.
[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - LIVING ROOM - A note is clipped to a dress: Went to Paris. Bruch at 2. Wear pearls! Eleanor Waldorf, New York]
Blair
Serena had better just stay away. Thank you, Dohertha!
Isabel
Thanks!
Katy
We were sleeping on flares last night.
Blair
I don't want to see Serena at school and she better not show up at brunch today.
Katy
You're really mad at Serena.
Isabel
I hope you never get that mad at us.
Blair
Well, you would never do what Serena did.
Katy
No, never.
Isabel
'Course not.
[Isabel looks puzzled at Katy who shrugs her shoulders]
Blair
I wonder if Nate remembered brunch. It would be so wrong of me to show up without my boyfriend whom I love... and who loves me.
[Blair calls Nate]
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - CHUCK'S ROOM - Nate's cell phone is vibrating on a table covered with cards and poker chips, Nate wakes up on the couch and answers the phone]
Nate
Hello?
[INT THE WALDORF'S LIVING ROOM]
Blair
Hi sweety. Did I wake you?
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - CHUCK'S ROOM]
Nate
No, I'm up.
[INT THE WALDORF'S LIVING ROOM]
Blair
Well, get some strong coffee and jump in the shower, sleepyhead. Chuck's dad's brunch for his foundation is today at The Palace.
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - CHUCK'S ROOM]
Nate
Ah, great, of course.
[Nate hangs up the phone and throws it onto the table, the noise wakes up Chuck who is lying in bed with two women]
Chuck
Nathaniel! Keep it down! Some of us are trying to regain our strenght.
Nate
You're dad's brunch is today.
Chuck
The alarm's set for nine.
Nate
It's ten.
[Chuck sighs, then raises and claps his hands, he has a black eye]
Chuck
Ladies, double time! Oh, unless... Nathaniel?
[Chuck points behind him at the two women]
Nate
I'm good. [The two women wear maid uniforms and Nate addresses them]
Nate
Actually, could you two bring some coffee when you get a chance? And some water, lots of water.
Maid
You want ice with that?
[She points at Chuck's black eye]
Maid
Looks like you could use some.
Chuck
That's enough, ladies. And I'll make sure to tell my father just how committed you are to the hospitality industry.
Nate
That kid popped you pretty good, huh? Never mess with a guy's sister.
Chuck
If I knew his name I'd hunt him down and kill him.
Nate
What, 'cause you kill people now? Are you gonna strangle him with your scarf?
[Nate throws Chuck's scarf into his face, Chuck is preparing a hangover remedy in a blender]
Chuck
Don't mock the scarf, Nathaniel. It's my signature.
Nate
Just saying, death by scarf: Not that intimidating.
Chuck
He sucker-punched me, I told you. Besides, better a broken nose than a broken heart.
Nate
What? I didn't even talk to Serena last night.
Chuck
Who said anything about Serena?
[INT JENNY'S ROOM - Dan opens the garage door, he has changed his clothes]
Dan
Do I look ok?
Jenny
Definitely second shot material.
Dan
Alright then, I'm gonna go. Oh, uhm, and about what happend, you know, with Chuck... if you want to talk to someone... not your brother, just let me know.
Jenny
Ok.
Yeah, alright.
Jenny
Hey, there wait! Actually, there is someone I want to talk to.
[Jenny grabs her purse and they prepare to leave, Rufus comes home]
Dan
Hey!
Rufus
Hey, where are you guys going? I was going to make waffles.
Dan
Uh, sorry dad.
Jenny
Yeah, can't.
Rufus
But I want to know everything about your date.
Dan
Later.
Rufus
And your party.
Rufus
When I get back?
You guys missed a really great show! And I make really good waffles!
[Dan and Jenny leave]
[THE PALACE HOTEL - CHUCK'S ROOM - Nate is on the phone]
Concierge
The Palace Hotel.
Nate
Hi, this is Nate Archibald, calling from the Bass suite. I know you don't normally give out this information but could you tell me what room the van der woodsens are in, please?
[EXT NEW YORK - Serena is walking down the street, she is leaving Blair a message on the phone]
Serena
Hey, Blair, it's me. Eh, I guess you're still sleeping but I'm gonna come over. I think we need to talk. Ok, ehm, see you soon. Bye.
[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - Blair checks her missed calls: Serena, she deletes it]
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - BALL ROOM - All the tables are decorated]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Looks like the tables are all set. As soon as the guests arrive we can start dishing. Here's what's on the menue:
[FLASHFORWARD - Serena, Blair, Dan, Chuck, Jenny, Nate, Dan, Blair, Serena, Chuck walks towards Dan but Nate stops him, Blair takes off a blue dress, Jenny is wearing Blair's blue dress and looks at herself in a mirror, Chuck gives Blair a key, Blair and Nate are kissing in an elevator, Blair turns around rapidly]
[THE PALACE HOTEL - THE ROOM OF THE VAN DER WOODSENS - Serena is searching through boxes]
Serena
Mom, did you borrow my Michelle Parise? Uh, I can't find anything in here!
Lily
Well, it might help if you unpacked. Look, you're home now, it's your life, you should start living it.
Serena
This is not live, this is a hotel we're living in because you decided you didn't like the colour of the walls in our real home.
[Lily hands Serena the green pair of pumps she was looking for]
Serena
Mom, I said I'd go to this brunch. What else do you want from me?
Lily
Serena, why are you being like this? You love parties. This is just not like you.
Serena
Maybe it is like me. Maybe you don't know what I'm really like.
Lily
Oh, ok, tell me.
[Serena puts on her pumps and just stares at her mother]
Lily
So did you and Dan have fun at the concert last night?
Serena
We, uhm, never made it. We actually ended up at the 'Kiss On The Lips' party.
Lily
Ah, well that must have pleased Blair.
Serena
Blair? Actually no, not that pleased. Which is why I'm going to talk to her.
Lily
Just be back in time for brunch, ok?
Serena
Mom!
Lily
Look, honey, I know how hard it is for you to be back but the more you hide yourself away the more people are gonna think you have something to hide.
Serena
Coming from someone who's keeping my brother in an institution.
Lily
That's different.
[Serena leaves, Lily shouts after her]
Lily
I mean it: Don't be late!
[EXT THE PALACE HOTEL - Serena runs to get a cab]
Serena
Wait!
[Serena gets into the cab just as Dan walks up to The Palace Hotel, Dan enters and walks over to the reception]
Dan
Hey! How are you doing? I, ah, I was in yesterday with Serena.
Concierge
How could I forget.
Dan
Yeah, well, is... she in?
Concierge
Just missed her, actually, but you're welome to wait.
Dan
Ok, maybe I will. She probably won't be that long, right?
Concierge
Once she went out and didn't come back for six month but feel free to sit.
[Dan points behind him towards a lounge, the concierge points into the opposite direction]
Concierge
Over there.
Dan
Over there is where I'll be.
[Dan walks off, Nate walks towards the elevator, the door opens and Lily steps out]
Lily
Hi, Nate, it's great to see you.
Nate
Hi, Misses van der Woodsen. Good to see you.
Lily
Oh, I'm just heading out.
[Nate accompanies Lily through the foyer]
Nate
Oh, is Serena in?
Lily
Oh, you just missed her but I'll tell her you came by. I'm sure she will be happy to hear it.
Nate
I... I don't know about that.
Lily
Oh, what? I mean, Serena loves you and I think she's always a little crush on you. 'Course you and Blair are the perfect couple.
Nate
Mmh, is Serena going to be long? I could just wait.
[They arrive at the reception, Lily nods towards the concierge]
Lily
Uhm, well, Dexter here can take care of you. I'm just gonna step out for a while and Nate's gonna wait for Serena.
Nate
Great.
Concierge
He can get in line behind that guy.
[The concierge points towards Dan who's sitting in a chair behind them, Lily and Nate turn around]
Lily
I had a feeling you'd be back. Dan, is it?
[Dan gets up and shakes her hand]
Dan
Humphrey, yes. It's nice to see you again, Misses van der Woodsen. I hope you had a pleasant, eh, 21 hours since I last saw you.
Lily
Yes, it has been very pleasant... until now. Gentlemen...
[Lily turn around and walks off, Nate and Dan stare at each other]
Nate
Hey.
Dan
Hey.
[Nate and Dan sit down next to each other]
[HOME OF THE WALDORFS - Serena exits the elevator]
Serena
Blair? Hey.
Blair
Serena.
[Serena takes a copy of 'Breakfast At Tiffany's' out of a bag]
Serena
Hey., I got two baguettes and Audrey.
Blair
I must have totally blanked on the part where I invited you over.
Serena
I... I called you. Blair, it's Sunday morning: Coffee, croissants, 'Breakfast At Tiffany's'. It's our tradition.
Blair
I have new traditions now.
Serena
Well, they're not traditions if they're new.
[Blair sits down with the Sunday paper and ignores Serena]
Serena
Look, Blair, I'm really trying to make an effort here. I thought everything was good between us.
Blair
It was... before I found out you had sex with my boyfriend.
[Serena is looking for words, Blair just stares at her]
Serena
How did you find out?
Blair
Nate told me. At least he felt he owed it to me to tell the truth.
Serena
I don't know what to say.
Blair
Don't bother saying anything. I wouldn't believe you anyway.
Serena
Blair, it was...
Blair
You know... I always knew you're a whore... I never took you for a liar too.
Serena
Blair, how can I fix this?
Blair
You don't, Serena. You just stay away from me, my boyfriend and my friends. You're done here.
[Blair walks away and leaves Serena behind]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Serena's visit was short and apparently not very sweet but you know what is? Revenge. We hear it's best served cold. Who's hungry?
[Serena has already left, Jenny exits the elevator and enters the living room, Blair shouts from the other room]
Blair
Dohertha, I told you I didn't want to see anyone!
[Blair enters the living room and sees Jenny]
Blair
Hey, Jenny.
Jenny
Hi.
Blair
What do you want?
Jenny
Eh, I realised that I still have your calligraphy pens... from the party invitations and thought you might need them for something.
Blair
That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard. You wanna know what Chuck Bass is saying about you.
Jenny
No. Is he... saying things? Is anyone?
Blair
Mmh, no. Not yet anyway. Chuck likes to brag about his conquests not his victims. Come on, you can help me get ready for brunch.
Jenny
Ok, sure.
[Blair leads Jenny upstairs, Jenny notices an arrangement of flowers]
Jenny
Nice flowers.
Blair
They're hydrangeas.
[EXT NEW YORK - Lily gets out of a cab]
Lily
Just coffee. I'm not staying long... I want to get out of here before someone throws me down and tattoos me.
Rufus
This is Brooklyn, Lil, not the 'Warped Tour' and don't tell me you had all your tattoos removed. I mean, even that one the little heart-shaped one between your, uhm...
Lily
Don't try to be cute, ok. Those days are way behind you.
Rufus
And here I thought I was getting better looking every day. So, what's the big emergency?
Lily
Dan went out with Serena last night.
Rufus
And as Humphrey I sure am proud of him.
[They walk into a coffee shop]
Lily
Well, currently he is sitting in the lobby of the hotel where we're living.
Shop Assistent
Hi, how can I help you?
Rufus
Two americanos, one with an extra shot?
Lily
Mhm.
Rufus
You don't actually think that I'm gonna tell my kid you he can and cannot date. I mean is that really the reason you came down here?
Lily
Oh, I know what you're implying.
Rufus
That maybe you're falling for me again.
Lily
You're right, you're right. It's the low income tax bracket, the bad v-neck t-shirts, the awful jokes. I don't know why your wife left you.
Rufus
Well, she's got better taste than you.
[The shop assistant brings them their coffee, Rufus pays]
Shop Assistent
Here you are. Thanks.
Rufus
I mean, come on, why else have I seen you more in the last two days than in the last fifteen years?
Lily
An unfortunate twist of fate.
Rufus
But fate non the less, unless... you are... are you seeing someone?
Lily
No, not really.
Rufus
Aha, not serious... or he's married, that is your type.
Lily
That's enough, Rufus.
Rufus
What's his name? Have I read of him in 'Forbes' or 'Rolling Stone'? Well, whoever he is I'm sure he can't keep up with you.
Lily
Well, I'm gonna take that as a compliment. But I'm serious, I'm worried about Serena. I don't need some new boy influencing her, distracting her from her needs.
Rufus
Well, no offense, Lil, but I'm guessing a kid like Dan is exactly what Serena needs.
[EXT THE PALACE HOTEL - Dan walks away from the main entrance, he meets Nate at the front gate]
Dan
So, ah, what do you need to talk to Serena about?
Nate
Nothing, just in the neighborhood. You?
Dan
I... I'm nowhere near the neighborhood but I'm working on a better excuse.
Nate
You guys like...
Dan
Oh, ah, I... I don't know.
Nate
Yeah, well, that's Serena. With her you'll never know.
[Chuck walks towards them, he is wearing black sunglasses]
Chuck
Nathaniel! There you are. What are you doing?
Nate
Nothing... just waiting for you.
[Chuck notices Dan, he takes of his sunglasses and reveales his black eye]
Chuck
Him? What are you doing here?
Dan
Why? What is this... your hotel?
Nate
Actually, it is.
Chuck
Yes and unless you have a reason to be here I have to ask you to wait on the curb with the rest of the trash.
Dan
Trash? Look man, I live in Brooklyn, alright, not the Ozarks... no offense to the Ozarks. But don't you think we're taking this class warfare thing way too far?
[Chuck pushes Dan, Nate keeps him back]
Nate
Ok, man, let's just go.
Chuck
You told me stick it up for Serena's reputation... if anyone has a reason to kick his ass it's you.
Nate
It's no warfare. Not here.
[Nate leads Chuck away from Dan, Chuck turns to Dan]
Chuck
This isn't over.
Dan
Hey, any time, man. That one black eys looks a little lonely.
[BLAIR'S BEDROOM - Blair is trying on the blue dress her mother laid out for her to wear to the brunch, Jenny is with her]
Jenny
Wow, Blair, it's... it's beautiful. I mean... you look beautiful.
Blair
It's average. The collar is last season. And besides, Stella McCartney's a much better version of Bergdorf's.
[Blair takes the dress off]
Jenny
Right. I... I've been meaning to go by Bergdorf's.
[Jenny walks over to Blair's bed and picks up a doll]
Jenny
Wow, these dolls are great. Oh my god, you've got 'Cabbage Patch'. My brother used to have one of these. His name was Cedric.
Blair
You're brother's name is Cedric?
Jenny
No, that was his 'Cabbage Patch Kid'. My brother's name is Dan. Actually, you might know him. He, uhm, he went out with Serena last night.
Blair
That was your brother? So does that mean you're friends with Serena now?
Jenny
I mean, I don't have a problem with her but if someone did have a problem with her I wouldn't have a problem with that either.
Blair
You know if you like that dress... you can have it.
Jenny
What? No, no.
Blair
I'm sure you'll find some way to repay me.
Jenny
Wow, Blair, thank you, I mean, for the dress and... for the other thing... about that Chuck.
Blair
If you want to be part of this world, Jenny, people will talk... eventually. And you need to decide if all this... is worth it.
[EXT THE PALACE HOTEL - Dan is waiting for Serena, she walks up to him]
Serena
Dan, hey.
Dan
I, I... I was in the neighborhood... uhm, give or take seventy blocks. Uhm, I just wanted to tell you in person that, eh, the end of last night may not have been my finest hour. It was a, eh, a wave.
[Dan makes a waving gesture]
Serena
I, I... I saw that.
Dan
Yeah, yeah. Since then I've just been wondering... eh... are you hungry?
Serena
Yes. Actually, I had the worst morining.
Dan
Do you... do you wanna talk? And eat? Not necessarily in that order.
Serena
Yes, I would love to do both but food first because I'm starving.
[Lily walks up to them]
Lily
Great, just in time for brunch.
Serena
Mom.
Dan
Miss van der Woodsen.
Lily
Dan, you're still here.
Serena
Look, mom, I really don't think it's a good idea for me to go to that brunch.
Lily
You promised.
Serena
Yeah, but that was before... before I knew Dan was hungry too. I can't let the boy starve.
Dan
It would be inhumane.
Lily
He's not invited.
Serena
Yeah, that's why I'm going with him.
Dan
Because I can't go with her.
Serena
And we have plans to go to brunch together today.
Dan
We had those plans.
Lily
Serena, you're home: Living under my roof, my rules. What is it gonna take to get you dressed and through that door?
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - BALL ROOM - Dan and Serena stand at the entrance, Dan looks a little overwhelmed, there are models painted white to pose as statues, Howie Archibald, Bart Brass and Lily are all there, Nate, Chuck, Blair, Katy and Isabel are sitting together laughing and drinking, Blair notices Serena and her mouth drops]
Serena
You know, maybe... maybe this was a... a bad idea.
[Back at the table]
Blair
You got to be kidding.
[Back at the entrance]
Dan
Yeah, this was... this was definitely a bad idea
[Back at the table, Chuck notices Dan]
Chuck
This should be fun.
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Looks like Chuck and Blair showed up with quite some appetite... for destruction that is.
[Dan and Serena finally enter the ball room]
[INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - Rufus is playing the guitar, Jenny enters with her new blue dress in a transparent cloth bag]
Jenny
Hey, dad. How's the new song going?
Rufus
Ah, I think I need more coffee.
Jenny
Whatever works.
[Rufus notices the dress]
Rufus
Where did you get the dress?
Jenny
Oh, it was a thank you gift from Blair for doing the party invitations.
Rufus
Looks like a very expensive thank you gift.
Jenny
Dad, she's got a closed the size of this appartement just full of them. See, her mom designed it.
Rufus
And her mom is very talented... but the dress you made for yourself is much nicer.
Jenny
Which is why you don't wear dresses.
Rufus
One of a couple reasons.
Jenny
Hey, you think the Farmers' Market is still open?
Rufus
Yeah, why? You wanna go?
Jenny
Yeah.
Rufus
I thought you were getting too old to go places with your dad.
Jenny
Well, you used to be cool. And the '90s are having a comeback.
Rufus
You have no idea how much that hurts.
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - BALL ROOM - Dan and Serena are standing at the decadent buffet]
Dan
Well, can't say much for his child bearing skills but Bart Brass knows brunch.
[Serena notices Nate who nods towards her to signal he wants to talk to her outside]
Serena
Uhm, I... I need to use the ladies' room. You think you be ok for yourself for a while?
Dan
Yeah, come on, me and some Beluga caviar? Can't get enough of this stuff.
Serena
Ok.
[Serena leaves, Dan turns to one of the painted models]
Dan
Hey, how's it going?
[The model doesn't answer or move]
Dan
No? You don't... ok, just... go ahead do your thing.
[Dan turns around and finds Chuck, they stare at each other for a while until Chuck turns to his father]
Bart
Charles!
[Bart turns away from a guest]
Bart
Would you excuse me?
Guest
Of course.
Chuck
Father.
Bart
The, uh, the invitation said 'Black Tie' not 'Black Eye'. Are you ok? I mean if you're in some kind of trouble...
Chuck
Only of my own making.
Bart
Why do you think I do all this, hu? This party is for you. Ok, so you can meet people. You know, become a part of something, make some kind of change.
Chuck
Really? I thought it was another excuse for an open bar and, eh, re-hiring the milanese statues.
Bart
Do me a favour, will you? Lose the scotch... it's barely noon.
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - OUTSIDE OF THE BALL ROOM - Nate is waiting, Serena arrives]
Nate
Serena, I really need to talk to you.
Serena
Actually, I need to talk to you which means you can listen. Nate, you told Blair! What were you thinking?
Nate
Look, I wanna explain...
[A party guest interrupts them because they're standing in her way]
Guest
Excuse me.
Nate
Sorry.
[They move a little apart and let her through]
Nate
We can't talk here.
Serena
What? Where Blair might see us?
Nate
Meet me in Chuck's suite.
[Nate talks a key out of his pocket]
Serena
I'm not sneaking around with you.
Nate
Please, just to talk.
[Serena takes the key]
Serena
Ten minutes.
Nate
I meet you up there.
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - BALL ROOM - Howie is talking to Blair]
Howie
You look beautiful as always. Where's you're lovely mother today?
Blair
Paris. Must be some drama at the atelier.
Howie
Nothing too dramatic, I hope. Her line is doing very well. I was just telling my firm what a great investment she'd make. She's really going places.
Blair
Hopefully places far far away. Just kidding.
[Nate walks over and takes Blair's empty glass]
Nate
Hey. I'll get you a refill. I'll be right back.
Howie
I'll go with you. Excuse us.
[Nate kisses Blair on the cheek and they walk away]
Howie
Blair seems happy. Looks like... you're taking care of business as we discussed.
Nate
Dad, not everything in life's a business deal.
Howie
Come talk to me in thirty years.
[They walk up to a guest]
Howie
I want to introduce you to Timothy Good. His firm has some really interessting summer interships.
[Nate and Mr. Good shake hands]
Nate
Hey.
Mr. Good
Nice to meet you.
[Chuck walks up to Blair]
Blair
I can't believe Serena came to this brunch. I told her to stay away.
Chuck
You worried about Nate? Just a shot in the dark. I think you know what you need to do to get his attention.
[Chuck offers her a key]
Blair
And what's that?
Chuck
A key to my suite, Nate's heart and your future happiness.
[Blair takes the key]
Chuck
I'm honored to be playing an even small role in your deflowering.
Blair
You're disgusting.
Chuck
Yes, I am. So why be shy? Just grab Nate and finish this. Report back with details.
[Blair walks off]
[Blair walks over to Nate who is just saying goodbye to Mr. Good and his father]
Nate
Nice to meet you. Dad.
Blair
What are you doing right now?
Nate
Ah, well, I was just gonna...
Blair
What about me?
Nate
Uhm...
Blair
Do you have a better offer or...
Nate
No, of course not.
Blair
Yeah?
Nate
Now?
Blair
Now. Now.
[Blair and Nate leave, Chuck looks after them]
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - The elevator doors open and reveal Nate and Blair kissing]
Nate
Where are we going?
Blair
I've got us the best room in the whole place.
[INT CHUCK'S ROOM - Blair pushes Nate through the door]
Nate
Wait, this is Chuck's room.
[Serena is already there]
Serena
Nate...
[Blair looks at Serena in disbelief]
Blair
Serena?
Serena
Blair.
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Spotted: N and B, hot and heavy in the halls of The Palace Hotel, only to find S already waiting. Sparks were flying for sure... but will it be a three-way? Or D-day?
Blair
What is she doing here?
Serena
I was waiting for Nate.
Nate
Just to talk, I swear.
Blair
You said you'd never speak to her again!
Serena
You said that? Why would you say that?
Blair
Because you can't be trusted!
Nate
It's not Serena's fault.
Blair
Do not defend her!
Nate
I asked her to come.
Blair
Oh, oh, so you want to talk to her.
Nate
Yes. Yes, to explain... why I'm not talking to her.
Blair
Maybe I leave you two to finish that fascinating conversation.
Serena
Uh, no, no, I'll go. Let you guys get back to your quicky.
Blair
It wasn't a quicky. Sex is actually kind of a big deal to some of us.
Serena
Oh, yeah, I can see that. Chuck's bed? Very romantic. Classy too.
Blair
Oh, like you. I bet your new friend Dan would love to hear all about how classy you are.
Serena
Dan? What...
[Blair runs off]
Serena
God, do you really think she's gonna tell him?
Nate
It's Blair.
[They run after her]
Serena
I can't believe you told her.
Nate
You just expected me to keep it a secret?
Serena
Yes, Nate. There's nothing wrong with keeping a secret if the truth is gonna hurt someone!
Nate
That's a hell of a way to look at things.
Serena
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise in all this you were the most honest guy on the planet.
[EXT THE PALACE HOTEL - Dan is stepping outside to look for Serena, he sees Bart and Lily talking to each other]
Bart
It just seems to me that you're the one doesn't want to be seen together in public.
Lily
No, I do want to be seen together. I just don't want to see you together with anyone else. Tell your harem of shopgirls and models that you're seeing someone.
Bart
I am... but those conversations take a little time.
Lily
Well, they got nothing but time, Bart, they're twenty-five.
[Lily notices Dan standing by the entrance looking at them]
Lily
Excuse me.
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - Dan walks back inside, Lily follows him]
Lily
Dan, wait! Look, I really don't appreciate your lurking in the shadows eavesdropping on my private conversation.
Dan
What? No, no, I wasn't. I was looking for Serena.
Lily
Well, I don't see her. Do you?
Dan
No, which is why I was looking.
Dan
I don't know what you're doing here or what you think you heard...
Dan
Nothing, I heard nothing.
But Serena doesn't know.
Dan
And neither do I, ok? So now if you excuse me, I'm gonna go back inside, not tell anyone a thing and mind my own business.
[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - BALL ROOM - Blair walks up to Dan]
Blair
Dan? Hi, I'm Blair Waldorf, Serena's friend.
Dan
Oh, hey. Yeah, do you happen to know where she is?
Blair
As a matter of fact I do.
[Serena and Nate come running in]
Serena
Blair!
Dan
Serena, there you are.
Serena
Hi.
Where were you?
Blair
She was waiting in a hotel room... for my boyfriend.
Serena
To talk!
Nate
About why we weren't talking.
Blair
That doesn't sound any smarter the second time.
Dan
Why weren't you talking? Does this have anything to do with why you were waiting for Serena this morning?
Blair
You were what?
[Chuck joins them]
Chuck
And here I thought you were waiting for me.
Oh, exactly what the situation needs: Chuck. No what is going on here?
Blair
We were just getting to that.
Serena
Blair, please, don't do this.
Blair
Sorry, did you want to tell him?
Chuck
I'll tell him.
Nate and Blair
You know?
Chuck
I know everything.
Dan
And apparently I know nothing.
Serena
Look, Dan, it was a long time ago and I regret it...
Chuck
Look, Serena, stop trying to pretend you're a good girl. So you slept with best friend's boyfriend. I kind of admire you for it.
Dan
Is that true?
Blair
Well, than she ran away and lied about it. I just thought you should know before you fall head over heels for your perfect girl in her perfect world... and then get left all alone with no one but your 'Cabbage Patch Kid'.
Nate
'Cabbage Patch'?
Dan
Did you talk to my sister?
Chuck
Ah, yes, little Jenny. Do believe she and I have some unfinished business.
[Dan walks up close to Chuck]
Dan
You stay away from her.
Chuck
Poor devil, so little time so many sluts to fu...
[Dan pushes Chuck who crushes into a waiter causing him to fall down, all guests turn around to look at the scene, Katy is making photos with her cell phone while Isabel is texting]
Dan
It's fine! It's fine! Everyone can stop looking. He's a jerk. But it's my fault and... and I'm leaving.
Serena
I'll go with you.
Dan
Actually, I'd prefer if you didn't.
[Dan walks off]
Nate
Hope you're happy.
Blair
Not even close.
[Blair walks off, Nate follows her]
Chuck
Looks like it's just you and me. Apparently my room's available if...
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Some might call this a fustercluck... but on the Upper East Side we call it Sunday afternoon.
[EXT THE PALACE HOTEL - Serena is running after Dan]
Serena
Dan! Dan, wait! I'm so sorry.
Dan
There's... there's no need to be, really. I shouldn't have come here today. I made a mistake.
Serena
No, you didn't. Look, I'm sorry about Blair and Chuck...
Dan
It's not about Blair or Chuck... I mean, it is but it's not just them.
Serena
No, I know. Trust me, I know. This world... it's crazy.
Dan
Yeah, yeah it is... and you're part of it.
Serena
What... and you didn't know that?
Dan
I don't know... I thought you were different.
[Dan turns around and starts walking away]
Serena
Well, I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I was. But.. what's happened is in the past, you know.
[Dan stops]
Serena
And all that I can do is try to change. But if you can't accept that then... you know... you're not who I thought you were. Well, I guess we both made mistakes.
[Serena walks away from Dan, Dan looks after her, then starts walking, Serena turns around but Dan is leaving]
[HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - KITCHEN - Dan is sitting at the counter drinking tea, Jenny and Rufus come home, Jenny is holding a pot with flowers]
Jenny
Hi.
Rufus
Hey, Jen said you went looking for Serena. Did you find her?
Dan
Yeah, yeah, I found her and then I lost her.
Rufus
Oh, eh, that's... eh...
Dan
It's fine. It's fine, really. It's all for the best. Serena and her friends and her family... her whole world... turns out it wasn't for me.
Jenny
Wait, Dan. What happened?
Jenny
Did you tell Blair Waldorf about Cedric?
Jenny
I... it may have come up.
Dan
You can't trust these people, Jen. Don't tell them anything. Those are nice floweres.
Jenny
They're hydrangeas.
[HOME OF THE WALDROFS - BLAIR'S ROOM - Nate and Blair are lying in bed together, both are fully dressed, Blair has her back turned to Nate]
Nate
Look, Blair, either you try to forgive me and move on... or we end it.
[Nate puts his hand on her shoulders and he covers it with hers]
[EXT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - Dan is stepping outside on the fire escape]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Well, Serena's mytery man is a mystery no longer. His name is... oh, who cares. Now that he and S are over... so are his fifteen minutes.
< [INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - JENNY'S ROOM - Jenny is wearing her new blue dress and looks at herself in the mirror]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
But his sister Jenny was spotted with a new dress... gifted from Blair herself. Everyone knows an Eleanor original is the uniform of B's private army. But will J be a loyal soldier? Or will she side with S's rebel forces?
[THE PALACE HOTEL - CHUCK'S ROOM - Chuck is lying on his bed looking at 'Gossip Girl' on his cell phone, a blonde is cooling his black eye with ice]
And as for S herself: We hear she left today's brunch with... no friends, no boy and nowhere left to run.
[EXT NEW YORK - Serena is walking down the street looking at pictures of Blair, Nate and herself on her cell phone]
[HOME OF THE WALDORFS - BLAIR'S ROOM - Blair squeezes Nate's hand]
[HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - JENNY'S ROOM - Jenny is standing in front of a mirror]
[EXT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - Dan is sitting on the fire escape, staring into the night]
[EXT NEW YORK - Serena looks at a picture of herself hugging Blair]
Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
It looks like the ultimate insider has become a total outsider. It's your move, Serena. And you know who'll be watching: Gossip Girl.
[Serena throws her cell phone into a garbage can]
END OF EPISODE
== GOSSIP GIRL ==
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