GOSSIP GIRL 1X12 - SCHOOL LIES

ORIGINAL AIRDATE: Wed, Jan. 2nd, 2007 @ 9pm (CW)

WRITTEN BY LENN K. ROSENFELD
DIRECTED BY TONY WHARMBY
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TRANSCRIPT:
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Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Gossip Girl here. You're one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

[INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS]

Rufus
On what point do we admit that no matter how much we want it or how hard we try...

Alison
... it's just not working.

Jenny
You're going back to Hudson, aren't you?

Alison
Yeah.

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - Eleanor's christmas party]

Lily
Rufus, why are you calling?

[EXT THE PALACE HOTEL]

Rufus
I miss you.

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - BLAIR'S BEDROOM - Serena is sitting on Blair's bed]

Serena
Mom, you can not date Bart Bass!

Lily
You just said a moment ago you didn't care who it was.

Serena
He raised Chuck.

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - ROOM OF THE VAN DER WOODSENS - Bart is kneeling in front of Lily holding an open box with a ring inside]
Bart
Would you do me the honour of being my wife?

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - BATHROOM - Blair is talking to Vanessa]

Blair
I think you like Dan a little too much. Just thought I should let you know someone's watching.

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - BLAIR'S BEDROOM - Chuck and Blair are lying on the bed kissing]

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - BLAIR'S BEDROOM - Blair is sitting on her bed alone, she is leaving Chuck a voicErik
mail]

Blair
Chuck, you are not answering my calls. Please, for the love of god, do not tell anybody about us.

[Blair looks at her new text messages: From: Chuck, Don't worry, B. Who would I Tell?, the second message contains a photo of Chuck and Nate in Monaco]

END OF TEASER
[INT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - SWIMMING POOL]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
On the Upper East Side it's easy to think that the world is exactly as it appears: refined, elegant, imposing. But sometimes all it takes is a little key to open the door to the wild side.

[A key falls on the floor, somebody jumps into the swimming pool, there's music playing and a whole bunch of students are partying in the pool, they are drinking and dancing, Blair is in the pool, Nate dives towards her]

Blair
Nate.

Nate
Why've you been avoiding me?

Blair
Avoiding you? What?

[Blair turns around and Nate hugs her]

Nate
Ever since I came back from Monaco... you've been not returning my calls or my texts... I've barely seen you.

Blair
Really? I don't recall.

Nate
Well, do you recall that night after the debutante ball?

Blair
Yes, I do.

[Nate kisses Blair on the cheek]

Nate
Blair.

[Blair turns around]

Blair
What are you doing?

Nate
This.

[Nate kisses her and she kisses him back]

Blair
Good catching up.

[Blair swims away, Chuck is sitting on the lifeguard chair and talks to a girl, Blair walks up to him]

Blair
Enough with the blackmail! Aren't you bored already? I can't avoid Nate forever.

Chuck
Excuse me.

[Chuck turns away from the other girl who walks away]

Chuck
I didn't say forever... just until the sight of the two of you together doesn't turn my stomach.

Blair
And when will that be?

Chuck
Only time will tell, I'm afraid. So unless you want dear Nathaniel to know how you lost your virginity to me in the back of a moving vehicle I encourage patients and restraint.

Blair
Isn't there someone else you can torture?

Chuck
Probably but I choose you.

[Chuck puts on black sunglasses and walks away, Blair sighs, Serena enters the hall, she is wearing a black bathing suit, Chuck walks up to her]

Chuck
Why don't I turn that, uh, onErik
piece into a no-piece.

Serena
Find a floaty to talk to, Chuck.

Chuck
You know, if my dad and your mom come back from South Africa tomorrow engaged... we would be brother and sister... and you know what they say: The family that plays together stays together.

Serena
Ah, incest: The universal taboo. One of the only ones you haven't violated.

Chuck
I want gain a few more.

[Chuck leans forward, Serena leans towards him and hits his glass out of his hand, she walks away]

[INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - Dan is sitting at the table eating cereal and studying, Vanessa is filming him]

Vanessa
Dan Humphrey, age 17, enjoying an exotic meal of cheerios on an exciting Saturday night in. Come on, be interessting! You don't want me to move back to Vermont, do you?

Dan
No, but if your whole future depends on getting this grand for your documentary I... I really, really think you should find a new subject.

Vanessa
Absolutely not. The outsider goes inside: A likeable everyman's persuit of his dreamgirl begins his into the bowls of hell. This is mystic stuff.

[Guitar music comes from the other room]

Vanessa
Ok, not big on the soundtrack. Whatever movie he's scoring sounds depressing.

Dan
I think it's a bio-pic. Try listening to that for three weeks straignt. Right before christmas my dad hadn't finished a song in... years. So, I'm not gonna advice him to stop.

Vanessa
Well, I do.

[Vanessa walks towards Rufus' room, Dan' phone rings and she stops]

Dan
Hey Serena.

Vanessa
Yes, finally some action!

[INT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - SWIMMING POOL]

Serena
Hey, what are you up to? Besides missing me.

[INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS]

Dan
Oh, eh, just wondering if you're missing me.

[INT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - SWIMMING POOL]

Serena
Oh, of course I am... at this party that would be a lot more fun if you were here.

[INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS]

Dan
Party? I thought it was a quiet night with Blair... spending the last night at her place before your mom comes home.

[INT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - SWIMMING POOL]

Serena
Yeah, we were but then Katie and Is showed up and we all went out... and we ran into some people and then ended up here.

[INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS]

Dan
Where... where is here?

Serena
7 19 East 82nd street.

Dan
Wait, Serena, that's... that's school, is it not?

[INT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - SWIMMING POOL]

Serena
Bring your bathing suit.

[Serena hangs up]

[INT HOME OF THE HUMPRHEYS]

Dan
You're swimming... now you hung up.

Vanessa
So, what will it be, Dan? Cheerio-intosher or an ilegal party at your prep-school pool with your high society girlfriend and her nasty coeds?

Dan
Dad, Vanessa and I are... are going out!

Rufus
Alright!

[Dan winks at Vanessa's camera]

[INT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - SWIMMING POOL - Chuck blows a whistle and points at a girl who then takes her bikini top off, Blair and some others are drinking Martinis in the pool, Dan and Vanessa enter, Vanessa is still filming]

Dan
Well, if you wanted to get the perfect shot of me feeling like an outsider... I'm ready for my close-up.

[Serena runs up to him and they hug]

Serena
Dan!

Dan
Hey!

Serena
Vanessa, hey! Come on, guys!

[Two students are messing around for fun, one pushes the other who then crashes against a pole and falls into the pool, his unconsious body floats in the pool and there is blood in the water, Nate notices this and pulls him out]

Nate
Help! someone call an ambulance. Call an ambulance!

[Others help Nate to get the unconscious student out of the pool]

Dan
Someone call 911!

[Nate starts CPR, Serena calls 911]

Serena
Hi, we... we need an ambulance... yeah... a kid... he hit is head and he fell in the pool, it's 19 East 82nd street!

[A lot of people stand around Nate performing CPR, some grab their clothes and leave, Chuck takes a key from the table, somebody left their cell phone behind]

[INT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - Photos are shown on a TV: Blair, Katie and Isabel are drinking Martinis in the pool, two girls hugging and smiling, Nate and Chuck and photos of several other students partying]

St. Jude's Headmaster
Thanks to the cell phone somebody left behind we've got plenty of evidence of who was at the party. Lucky for you, Andrew Collins is going to be fine. Unlucky for you, we need to hold somebody responsible. Miss Queller.

[A woman stands up and addresses the students assembled: Serena, Blair, Katie, Isabel, Nate, Chuck, Dan and several others]

Miss Queller
Hello. I'm Miss Queller, the new headmistress at Constance. It's unfortunate that we meet under these circumstances... but I look forward to getting to know each and every one of you. I've already talked to your parents... at least those I could reach and look forward to reading your personal essays. 10000 words describing how you came to be on school property after hours, using alcohol and drugs, where a fellow student almost died. In other words: What the hell is wrong with you. I'll also be conducting onErik
oNate
one interviews until I discover who broke into the pool and iniciated the party... that person will be expelled. If that person is not identified then you all face expulsion.

[EXT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE]

Blair
So we all know how this works.

Chuck
No one talks, no one gets into trouble.

Nate
Who did break in anyway?

Chuck
I guess we don't have to worry about Nate cracking under pressure.

Blair
So we all agree?

[Most students nod, Serena looks at Dan]

Serena
Agreed.

Dan
Look, Blair, I know you have your sight set on Yale but this 'Skull and Bones' stuff is a bit much, don't you think?

Blair
Maybe... but it works... everytime.

[Blair, Nate, Chuck and the others leave, Serena and Dan stay behind]

Dan
You know, when someone says 'everytime' it sounds like more than a few times.

Serena
Everything is gonna to be fine.

Dan
Were't you just in the same assemby as we?

Serena
Do you really think she is gonna expell two-thirds of the junior class? Look, I got you into this, I'll get you out of it, ok?

[She kisses him]

Serena
Trust me.

[Serena walks off, Dan looks unhappy]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
There's a weak link in every chain and it's just a matter of time before this one snaps.

[INT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - HEADMISTRESS'S OFFICE]

Blair
I'm innocent. Well, except for a crime of passion. I did something stupid with someone and even worse than doing that stupid thing I did the same stupid thing with someone else and pretended I had never done that stupid thing before. You look confused... shall I walk you through it?

Miss Queller
Let's stay on point. I reviewed your record... it's prestine. If Constance has a shining star, it's Blair Waldorf. I would never have expected this from you.

Blair
I know. I'm the perfect one...

Miss Queller
Miss Waldorf, who broke into the pool?

Blair
Like you said, my unfortunate participation in said party was entirely out of character. I don't know anything about it.

[EXT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - Nate is sitting at a table writing, Chuck walks up to him]

Chuck
You're taking that paper seriously.

Nate
This isn't the paper, it's... a heartfelt letter to Blair.

Chuck
A heartfelt letter? Who spayed you, man? Blair doesn't even want you. She's been crystal about that since we got back.

Nate
Didn't seem that way when she kissed me at the pool.

Chuck
She kissed you?

Nate
Well, I kissed her but... yup.

Chuck
What was she like? Was she into it or was she more like...

Nate
Of course she was into it, man, what do you think?

Chuck
Yeah, I know but... you know Blair.

Nate
Yes, I do. I think she just wants me to suffer a little more, you know... even the playing field. And it's worth it, believe me.

[EXT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - Dan leaves the school, his phone rings and he answers it with a little hesitation]

Dan
Hey, dad, listen, I... eh, got your thousand and one messages I just haven't had a chance to get back at you.

[INT THE HUMPHREY'S ART GALLERY]

Rufus
Yeah, that's not gonna work.

[EXT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE]

Dan
Guess you've heard from the new headmistress.

[INT THE HUMPHREY'S ART GALLERY]

Rufus
Look, I know how upset you were by everything and apperently some of the kids who were at the party didn't even tell their parents...

[EXT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE]

Dan
You don't have to say anything else. I regret even leaving the house Saturday.

[INT THE HUMPRHEY'S ART GALLERY]

Rufus
Yeah, but if you know something that could keep you out of trouble then you need to cooperate.

[EXT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE]

Dan
I don't... really, dad, I don't.

[INT THE HUMPRHEY'S ART GALLERY]

Rufus
Dan, don't think for a second these other kids aren't gonna be looking out for themselves. You need to do the same, alright?

[Rufus hangs up, Lily enters]

Lily
I hope I'm not interupting anything? I just got a message that our kids got into some kind of trouble at school.

Rufus
And you came all the way to Brooklyn to talk about it?

Lily
No, no, no, not about that! Eh, Bart and I just landed at the airport back from our trip and he proposed and I'm going to say yes. I wanted to hear it from me first... not from my daughter or your son.

Rufus
Right, the people who actually talk to me.

Lily
Oh, if you're referring to the message you left me on christmas day... I didn't get it until we were already on the plane. It was very... endearing though.

Rufus
But not enough to turn the G5 around.

Lily
You missed me, that's great. I miss you too. What? You kissed me at Eleanor's party and then you say you can't see me anymore because your wife came home and then... you call and say you should have never let me go and then you're back with Alison again.

Rufus
I didn't plan any of that.

Lily
That is just it with you, Rufus... You don't ever plan anything.

Rufus
Well, I'm sure that your current plan will be full of private jets and five star hotels.

Lily
Take care, Rufus.

[Lily leaves]

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - ELEVATOR - Vanessa is looking at the footage she shot on her camera]

Dan
You really need to show this to me now?

Vanessa
Trust me when I say you wanna see this before you enter Blair Waldorf's evil lair.

Dan
It's a homework group, Vanessa. We're just gonna be writing our papers, you know.

Vanessa
Here. I wasn't sure what it was until I got home and saw it on the computer but...

[Dan looks at the screen and looks at footage Vanessa shot at the pool party: Chuck takes a key from a table]

Dan
That's Chuck. What... what are you holding here?

Vanessa
It's a key.

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - The elevator doors open and Dan and Vanessa enter the living room, there's loud music playing, people are playing cards, drinking and talking]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Spotted: Lonely boy learning that when the punishment fits the crime there's no reason you can't serve your sentence in style.

[Serena walks over to Dan]

Serena
Yay, you're here!

Dan
I thought we were gonna work on our papers?

[Blair walks by with a tray full of drinks]

Blair
We are! One night at Balvokay, Courtney made out with a guy in the Cornell ethics program... they're getting tips now.

[Blair looks at Vanessa who's filming everything]

Blair
I thought I told you, you can't film here!

[Vanessa walks around, still filming, Serena turns to Serena and they walk a few steps away]

Blair
Come here. You are so naive. Michael Moore over there is obviously just using this film to get close to Dan.

Serena
No, she needs that grand, B.

[Blair shakes her head and walks away, Serena goes back to Dan]

Serena
So, did you bring your legal pen? You wait here, I find us a quiet place to work.

Dan
Ok.

[Serena walks off, Chuck is lying on the couch looking at the key with chain, Dan and Blair see it]

Blair
I can't believe you brought that here. It's evidence. Give it to me.

[She snaps it from him and walks upstairs, the elevator doors open and Nate enters, he is holding the letter he wrote, he sees Blair going to her room, Dan walks over to Chuck]

Dan
Chuck, you need to tell the truth.

Chuck
Whatever happened to 'don't speak until spoken to'?

Dan
I just saw you with that key. I know you had it at the party.

Chuck
Poor little Humphrey-Dumpty Look, let me clearify something for you. Regardless of who you're currently sleeping with, you and I come from different worlds. In my workd, if I'm suspended or expelled a wing is donated in the Bass name.

Dan
That does sound like quite a world.

Chuck
Well, it's not perfect, I admit. But one thing it does offer in spades is security. My family can take care of me. What do the Humphrey's have to offer? Used metro cards? Your dad's gesinge?

[Chuck stands up]

Chuck
And in case you're wondering, you narc: I only took the key from the party to hide it so we can all get blamed... including you.

[BLAIR'S BEDROOM - Blair enters and throws the keychain into the wastepaper basket, she then puts the key into the drawer of her desk, Nate enters]

Nate
Blair!

Blair
Nate, what are you doing here?

Nate
I wanted to talk to you. I brought you this: It's a love letter.

Blair
Hostess can't hide in her room. It's unladylike.

[Blair walks out, Nate stays behind and throws the letter onto the desk, he looks into the drawer and finds the key]

[LIVING ROOM - Dan is leaving]

Serena
Hey, were are you going? I made us a study room.

Dan
You know, I just gonna write my paper at home. I... I think Chuck is right.

Serena
Chuck? No, don't listen to him.

Dan
No, the guy has a point actually. Maybe the reason none of you take this seriously is because for you it's not.

Serena
No, it is... just trust me, ok?

[Vanessa walks over with her camera]

Dan
Vanessa, please, some space. I'm sorry.

Vanessa
Sorry.

[Vanessa walks away]

Dan
Look, I'm all for loyalty, I'm all for sticking together. But we are not in the same boat here. I'm on a partial scholarship, my parents have no way of buying my way back into this school or any other. And I know this is not going to be a popular opinion with... with your band of brothers but if the person who brought that key refuses to step up then anybody who knows anything has the right to say something. Do... do you know who it is?

[Serena doesn't say anything, she just looks at him]

Dan
You do, don't you. You're not gonna say anything?

Serena
Dan, please. You don't understand...

Dan
You're right, I... I don't understand.

[Blair walks down the stairs, Chuck grabs her]

Blair
Hey, let go of me, Bass!

Drop your Archibald habit first.

Blair
You know I already have.

Chuck
Really? A kiss does sort of send the wrong signal. Let's not waste time denying.

Blair
You know what? I'm tired of this. Go ahead and tell him.

Chuck
Really? You want me to tell him how you slept with me then faked your virginity for him.

Blair
I'll just tell him you're lying. And who do you think he will believe? You who bangs everything in his field of vision or me, his pure and honest girlfriend of many years.

Chuck
Oh no, he will believe me.

Blair
Why?

Chuck
I have proof.

[Chuck points towards Vanessa who was filming the whole conversation]

Chuck
Good eye, docu-girl. I take the tape now.

Blair
You knew she was watching? This is my house, the tape belongs to me.

Vanessa
Actually, this is my footage and thanks to both of you I think I got a new angle on my subject.

[Dan walks over]

Dan
Hey, Vanessa, let's get out of here.

[Chuck grabs Vanessa who fights him off]

Chuck
If you think I'll just let you walk out of here with that tape you're crazy!

Dan
Hey! Last time I checked I still owe you a black eye so unless this is you coming to claim it... stay away from her.

[Dan and Vanessa enter the elevator and leave]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Now that sex and lies have been caught on videotape, V's documentary just became the most anticipated new release of the year.

[THE PALACE HOTEL - ROOM OF THE VAN DER WOODSENS - Somebody knocks, Lily opens the door]

Lily
Rufus, what are you doing here?

Rufus
I'm not leaving you a message from the courtyard this time.

Lily
Well, I can see that but five minutes ago my kids would have to...

Rufus
Why did you really come to see me yesterday?

Lily
I told you out of respect for...

Rufus
Respect or regret? You wanted me to give you a reason not to spend the rest of your life with Bart Bass.

Lily
Rufus...

Rufus
I'm still in love with you.

Lily
So what exactly are you offering, Rufus? Some retrospective of the way we were over a decade ago? We're not twenty and on the road.

Rufus
Thank god we're not! Because your mother made this decision for you back then, remember?

Lily
Yes.

Rufus
Look, I don't know exactly what it would mean for us to be together... but can you look at me and tell me you're not the least bit curious. You're at the same crossroads you were years ago. Claim you life this time. Live it the way you want to live it.

[Rufus kisses Lily and then leaves]

[INT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - HEADMISTRESS'S OFFICE]

Nate
I did it. I broke into the school.

Miss Queller
After all your family has been through this year. I'm surprised to hear you're behind something like this.

Nate
I know, I know. And I apologize.

[Headmistress Queller looks at Nate's school record]

Miss Queller
From what I can see you always seem to be toing the line of mediocracy, Nathaniel. You're grades are average at best... almost as if you are not committed to school or your future.

Nate
Could we just move on to the punishment part of this meeting, please.

Miss Queller
Certainly. But I'm curious, can you please describe how you broke into the school?

Nate
Even better, I can show you. [Nate pulls the key out of his pocket and puts it on the desk]

Miss Queller
And how did you get access to this key? You're not on the swim team, not a janitor, right?

Nate
No.

Miss Queller
Where is the keychain?

Nate
Keychain?

Miss Queller
Do you remember its colour, size, what its made of... anything at all?

[She puts a photo of the key on the desk, attached to the key there is a long red keychain]

Miss Queller
Who are you trying to protect?

EXT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - Vanessa sets up her video camera, Blair walks towards her]

Blair
May I have a word... off camera?

Vanessa
Eh, sure. But I think I know what you are gonna say and I can save you the indignity of graffling by telling you right now: No way you're gonna get that tape.

Blair
I wasn't going to graffle and the fact that you even went there makes it clear that you have no idea who you're dealing with.

Vanessa
What are you gonna do to me, Blair? Blackmail me for eating yoghurt on the Met's steps? You have nothing I need.

Blair
You put that footage into your film you won't be able to show it. I won't sign a release.

Vanessa
I'm not looking for a distribution deal... just a local art's grand so I can pay my rent. Now if you excuse me... you're in my shot.

[Blair walks off, Chuck taps Vanessa on the shoulder and she turns around, he holds a bundle of dollar bills up]

Vanessa
What's that? Your stripper money?

Chuck
Ten thousand dollars for the tape.

Vanessa
You think I'll take your money?

Chuck
Yes, I do. I know girls like you. You act like money is not important... the truth is money is important to everyone.

Vanessa
And I thought Blair was manipulative.

Chuck
Blair is an amateur. She thinks you're just like her. To Blair, this means a couple pairs of Manolo's and a Chanel bag but I know that this much cash could make a real difference in your life.

[Vanessa pulls the tape out of the camera and exchanges it for the money]

Vanessa
You're sick.

Chuck
You're welcome.

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Who knew B and C were such patrons of the arts? Call it philanthropy or bribery... it looks like everyone has their price.

[INT RESTAURANT - Bart and Lily are sitting together]

Bart
Something on your mind, Lily?

Lily
Ah...

[Bart's phone rings and he answers it]

Bart
Yeah... what do you say? Excuse me, it's Sheldon, he has those numbers I asked him for. Would you mind...

Lily
No.

Bart
Yeah, just make sure he gets it at the current rate. The dollar has been all over the place.

[Bart leaves the table, Lily looks around the restaurant and then calls Rufus]

[INT THE HUMPHREY'S ART GALLERY - Rufus picks up the phone]

Rufus
Hello?

[INT RESTAURANT]

Lily
I was thinking about what you said... let's do it. Let's see what we are, let's see what we could be.

[INT THE HUMPHREY'S ART GALLERY]

Rufus
Who is this?

[INT RESTAURANT]

Lily
Rufus...

[INT THE HUMPHREY'S ART GALLERY]

Rufus
Lily, this is great! Do you know how great this is?

[INT RESTAURANT]

Lily
Well, yes... I mean I do, I mean I think so...

[INT THE HUMPHREY'S ART GALLERY]

Rufus
Let's go away tonight. Let's pack a bag... let's get away from everyone, everything... just figure it out.

[INT RESTAURANT]

Lily
Where would we go?

Rufus
Who cares!

Lily
Uh, ok, sound like a plan. Ehm, 90 and 5th, six o'clock.

Rufus
Ok.

Lily
I'm scared, Rufus. In a good way.

Rufus
Me too.

[Lily hangs up the phone and smiles]

INT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - The students are assembled]

Miss Queller
Settle down please.

[Chuck leans over to Blair and starts whispering]

Chuck
Proof... worth every penny.

Miss Queller
Yesterday I talked about serious consequences for your dishonerable action and obviously you didn't believe me. But someone came forward today and claimed responsibility...

[Serena whispers to Blair]

Serena
Do you know who?

Miss Queller
... for a crime he did not commit. And although I appreciate his self-sacrifice, I don't aby dishonesty. And I think it's time you all know how serious I am. Nathaniel Archibald is suspended from St. Jude's. And yes, this will go on his transcript. Effective immediatelly. Mr. Archibald, you know where to find the exit.

[Nate gets up and leaves the room, the other students look after him, Dan looks especially worried]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
This just in: Nate Archibald - Dead man walking. We hear St. Jude's has a new policy: An eye for a lie.

Miss Queller
Watch him go, students. Who wants to be next? Until one of you comes forward, we'll keep going until every last one of you has walked out that door.

[EXT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - Dan exits the school and walks towards Serena]

Dan
I don't believe this.

Serena
Dan, it's ok.

Dan
Serena, I can't... I can't get expelled. I cannot get suspended. My whole future is riding on this. If you know who broke in, why don't you give him up?

Serena
Because it was me.

[Dan and Serena sit down at a table in the courtyard]

Dan
So, why didn't you tell me right away?

Serena
Because I didn't want you to judge me.

Dan
Aren't we already beyond that?

Serena
and I didn't want you to know... because I didn't want you to be in the position you're now. Of having to choose between helping me and helping yourself.

Dan
So, how did you even get in?

Serena
I have a key.

Dan
You have a key to the pool?

Serena
What happend to being beyond this?

Dan
Sorry.

Serena
The end of freshman year I... kind of dated the swim team captain and he gave me a key so that we could... you know... meet up... and...

Dan
Enough said. Saturday night, what happend then?

Serena
Well, Blair and I ran out of places to go and she knew I still had a key and... before I knew it, it's like we are all there. And I thought it would be just us girls and then everybody got on their phone and more people started showing up and... I just never thought anybody was gonna get hurt.

Dan
Yeah. Well, you can still tell Queller the truth. I think she will respect your honesty.

Serena
Yeah, like she respected Nate's.

Dan
No, Nate lied... and besides, you're Serena van der Woodsen.

Serena
You didn't know me before I went away. I barely got back into Constance. If I got expelled I don't think any school in town would take me.

Dan
I'm sure that's not true.

Serena
I can't risk going back to bording school... being away from you and Erik. But I don't want you to loose your future.

Dan
Wow. You really can be damned if you do and screwed if you don't.

Announcement
Dan Humphrey, Headmistress Queller is requesting to see you in her office after class.

[Blair meets Nate outside the school]

Blair
Nate, are you ok?

Nate
I'll be fine. My parents have so much other stuff going on right now... they'll get over it. Either way it was worth it.

Blair
Worth it?

Nate
Yeah, Blair, I know how much your future means to you. You worked so hard for Yale and everything...

Blair
What are you talking about?

Nate
You don't have to lie. I saw the key in your bedroom.

Blair
That key isn't mine. I'm just hiding it for someone else. Wait... that's why you were suspended? You told the headmistress it was yours because you thought it was mine? That's the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me.

Nate
I love you.

[Nate leans in to kiss her but Blair moves away]

Blair
Please, you and I just can't happen right now.

Nate
Why not?

Blair
I don't want to be with you.

Nate
Good catching up.

[Nate walks away, Blair looks after him]

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - LILY'S ROOM - Lily is packing some clothes, Serena walks in and lets herself fall face down onto the bed]

Lily
You're home early. Please don't tell me you're expelled.

Serena
I'm not.

Lily
Your position at that school is already too precarious... one false move and you know what? I can't do anything to help you.

Serena
I know, I know. I just want to hide under the covers and make it all go away... [Serena notices that her mother is packing]

Serena
... and apperently you do too. You and Bart just got back, why are you packing again?

Lily
Well, I was just gonna go for a... you know... a little spa trip for the weekend.

Serena
Because you're so stressed out from your vacation?

[Lily's phone rings, Serena picks it up: 'Rufus calling', she hands it to her mother, Lily declines the call and puts the phone away]

Serena
Aren't you gonna answer that?

Lily
No, I don't think so.

Serena
Mom, is Dan's dad the reason you haven't answered Bart's proposal?

[Lily doesn't answer, Serena gets out of bed and faces her mother] Serena
You can't. Please mom, not this one.

Lily
Look, I will not base my personal life on your preferences.

Serena
Dan is my boyfriend... and I know we're too young to talk about forever but right now that's what it feels like.

Lily
I know it does, sweety, but...

Serena
But what? Tell me that Rufus is that important to you. Tell me that whatever the two of you have is the most important thing in your life. Beause that's what Dan is to me, mom... the most important. I'd be rather be Chuck's stepsister than Dan's. Please don't do this to me.

Lily
Dan means that much to you.

Serena
Yeah, he does. In fact, I have to go.

Lily
Wait, wait, where?

Serena
School. There's something I have to do. And I hope there is something you have to do too.

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - Vanessa enters]

Blair
What are you doing here?

Vanessa
I brought this for you.

[Vanessa shows her the tape]

Blair
What's the catch?

Vanessa
I know this might come as a shock but not everyone operates from an agenda. In fact, some people do things simply because they're the decent things to do. Smash it, burn it, whatever. There are no copies.

[She hands the tape to Blair]

Blair
What about the one you gave to Chuck?

Vanessa
It's blank which I'm sure he will be thrilled to discover. And about what's on that tape... having you observed you in your natural habitat these past few days... Nate seems like on of the good guys and you seem to really care about him.

[INT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE - HEADMISTRESS QUELLER'S OFFICE]

Miss Queller
Mr. Humphrey you have a partial scholarship at St. Jude's. You are number two in your class, have a stellar recommendation for Dartmouth from J.L. Hall. It looks as if your dreams are well within your grasp.

Dan
Thank you, I guess they are.

Miss Queller
But it seems you're in with a new crowd this year, dating Serena van der Woodsen.

Dan
Is that in my file?

Miss Queller
Who had the key to the school?

Dan
I don't know. Miss Queller
Let me remind you one last time that you are in a different position than the others... you need this school.

[There's a knock on the door, Serena enters]

Serena
Headmistress Queller, I have something to tell you.

[Serena sits down next to Dan]

Miss Queller
I must say your file reads more like a rep sheet: You cut more sophomore classes than you attended, cheated on tests, talked back to teachers.

Serena
I understand that this is a serious matter. That's why it's important to me that you know, you being new here, that the person you just described is not who I am anymore.

Miss Queller
Oh no? Who are you now?

Serena
Well, my grades are up, my attendance is nearly perfect and I've stayed out of trouble.

Miss Queller
Until now.

Serena
Please understand, I never intended for anything bad to happen. And it may have taken some time but I am here now, accepting responsebility for my actions. Whatever you think is fair.

Miss Queller
Yes, let's discuss the... consequences.

[INT COFFEE SHOP - Blair enters]

Blair
I'll be brief.

Vanessa
I'll be not interested.

Blair
Is that how you speak to the person who just paid your rent for a year.

Vanessa
What did you just say?

Blair
Congratulations, Vanessa, you just won 365 more days in your Ikea furnished closet.

Blair
You went to my building? You talked to my landlord?

Blair
No, I don't speak Ukranian but I do speak envelope of cash. And he understood me perfectly.

Vanessa
I can't believe you.

Blair
Blair Waldorf is not indepted to anyone. No matter how much I appreciate what you did.

Vanessa
You're welcome, I guess.

Blair
Good! Now this transaction is finished and I'm free to return to disliking you.

Vanessa
I wouldn't have it any other way.

Blair
Oh, and one more thing... if you didn't pay your rent with it, what did you do with Chuck's money.

Vanessa
I may have created a medical grand for teens with genital herpes... in his name.

[EXT CONSTANCE BILLARD AND ST. JUDE]

Serena
I can't believe she didn't expell me.

Dan
Yeah, I know, it's shocking.

Serena
I... 25 hours of community outreach... that's not bad at all. I probably would have done it anyway since I am on the commitee.

Dan
That had occurred to me, yeah.

Serena
Wait, what are you saying?

Dan
No, I'm not saying anything, believe me.

Serena
So, you don't buy what she said about me being the poster child for the new honour code. Look, I know for a fact my mom didn't plea in my case or donate anythink, ok?

Dan
I didn't say a thing.

Serena
Are you really turning this into an upstairSerena
downstairs thing?

Dan
No, no, you are. I'm being completely silent. I'm just happy you're not being expelled or leaving town anytime soon. Are you hungry? We shoud...

Serena
Always... but you still believe there's a double standard. That people like me get special treatment...

Chauffeur
Miss van der Woodsen? You're mother send me to pick you up.

Serena
Oh, great. That was... thoughtfull.

Dan
I think you get no special treatment at all. Your life is completely uncharmed and average.

Serena
It's ok, I walk.

[Serena walks off]

Dan
No, come on, I was kidding, I was kidding.

[Dan turns to the chauffeur]

Dan
You're going to Brooklyn?

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - ROOM OF THE VAN DER WOODSENS - Bart, Chuck, Lily, Serena and Erik stand together, champagne in hand]

Bart
It's a rare occasion to celebrate the merging of two families and I couldn't be happier to be here tonight to celebrate Lily's acceptance of my proposal.

[FLASHBACK - EXT STREETS OF NEW YORK - Lily walks up to Rufus]

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - They toast]

Bart
So, to my lovely bride and our growing family.

[FLASHBACK - EXT STREETS OF NEW YORK]

Rufus
You packed light.

Lily
Please try to understand.

Rufus
I think I do. I'm just sorry.

Lily
So am I.

[Rufus walks to his car, Lily watches him drive away]

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL]

Erik
Mom looks about as happy as grandma at last call.

Serena
I know. Seems Bart's personality or lack thereof is contagious. I don't even know how she breathes with her blouse button that high.

[Chuck walks over and hugs Serena]

Chuck
How glad are you to see our families merge, sis?

Serena
So glad that if you ever call me that again it will be the last thing you ever say, Chuck.

Chuck
I love it. Our first brother-sister squabble. I hope you're going to make yourself available for more missed childhood memories... bathing together for example.

[Serena turns her back to Chuck who takes the opportunity to look at her buttom]

[INT HOME OF THE WALDORFS - BLAIR'S ROOM]

Blair
You're probably wondering why I asked you here.

Nate
After our last conversation, yeah.

Blair
Do you think it's possible for two people who've been through as much as we have to really... forgive and forget?

Nate
If we really want to I think we can.

Blair
A lot of mistakes have been made.

Nate
If you're ready to forgive me then nothing can tear us apart, I promise.

Blair
What you said before... I love you too. Always have, always will.

[She kisses him]

[INT THE PALACE HOTEL - ROOM OF THE VAN DER WOODSENS - Bart joins Serena on the couch]

Bart
So, your new stepbrother told me about your problem at school. Frankly, I wasn't surprised given your propensity for recklessness and adventure.

Serena
I'm sorry?

Bart
Don't tell your mother but I made a call.

Serena
You did what?

Bart
It was harder than usual. That new headmistress of yours is a real piece of work. I had to go over her head. Sorry I couldn't get the charges completely dropped but at least I got you minimal sentence.

[Serena moves a little futher away from Bart]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
One thing about being on the inside: Once you get there you don't always get to choose where you stand... or sit.

[Chuck sits down to the other side of Serena]

Chuck
I was just looking out for my family. The new van der Woodsen/Bass liberary should be completed for Erik's graduation.

Bart
I can see that Lily and I are gonna have our hands full with the two of you.

Serena
Excuse me, I need some air.

[Serena gets up and leaves apruptly the suite]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
Sometimes you need to step outside, clear your head and remind yourself of who you are.

[INT HOME OF THE HUMPHREYS - Rufus is putting some sheet music and photos into a box, Serena enters]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
And where you want to be.

Serena
Hey.

Rufus
Aren't you supposed to be at your mom's engagement thing?

Serena
Yeah, I had to get out of there. It was getting a little hard to breathe, you know.

Rufus
Those parties can be that way.

Serena
So, are you packing up your music?

Rufus
No, I just... need to find something new to right about. And I will.

[DAN'S ROOM - Dan is studying on his bed, Serena enters]

Dan
Hey, you're a little overdressed for the study date I didn't know we had.

Serena
You were right about everything.

Dan
Wanna talk about it?

Serena
Can I just sit with you here for a while?

Dan
Yeah.

[Serena picks up a book]

Serena
Chalcer?

Dan
Yeah, I got a test on Friday.

Serena
Mine's Thursday.

[They get comfortable on the bed and start studying]

Gossip Girl (Voice Over)
And sometimes you have to venture outside your world in order to find yourself. As for me, I'm happy right where I am... I only want to be with you. XOXO Gossip Girl.

END OF EPISODE

== GOSSIP GIRL ==

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