Michael: what are you doing this Saturday night?
MIA: are you guys playing?
Michael: we’re rehearsing some new things. We got two new songs. Plus, surprise, we got the new parts for you. Sting. We could put it together.
MIA: Ok. Is this like a date?
Michael: no. music, cars.
MIA: would it include pizza?
Michael: of course. Pizza is given.
MIA: With M&Ms?
Lilly: wait up! Wait for me! Not you! I don’t even know you!
MIA: well, then, I am in.
Michael: good. Saturday, it’s on?
MIA: what’s happening? Maybe it’s a protest. Excuse me. Hi. Who are you waiting for?
Lana: there she is right there! Mia Thermopolis!
Man: we are waiting for you. Right here, princess.
MIA: Lilly, did you tell?
Lilly: I didn’t say anything!
Man: Princess Mia! Who’s your favorite actor?
Michael: why are they calling her” princess”?
Man: Princess Mia! What do you do about pimples? Can we quote you, your Majesty?
Miss Gupta: come on, Mia. Let’s get inside. The phone’s ringing off the hook.
O’CONNELL: Mia, your mother’s on her way.
Miss Gupta: the queen is coming to Grove High School.
Woman: a limo with flag. A Genovian limousine has arrived. The queen is getting out. Your Majesty, why all the secrets we keep hearing is “No comment.”? Do you have a comment? Will you be visiting the White House? Are you taking the princess home?
MIA: mom, I don’t know who told on me.
Clarisse: we’ll get to the bottom of this.
Paolo: majesty, it was I who told the press about you. I outed you. So to speak. I don’t mean to imply…but not for money. Princess. Paolo hates money. He spits on money. There was no money. Well, some money. After all, a man likes me. Each ring is…the point is, it was pride and ego who drove me to know that royalty would see one day the beauty was mine! The hair was mine. That I was responsible for…by the way, your hair—magnificent. The next time, we go a little lighter?
GUPTA: isn’t that just awful? Doesn’t anyone respect royalty anymore? What is it like in Genovia, your majesty? Do people just fawn over you?
Clarisse: I wonder would you give us a moment alone.
GUPTA: I am the vice-principle…
Clarisse: Joseph, would you take this fine educator and show her your security plans for Amelia’s safety?
Joe: what? Oh, of course. Your security system is a bit lax.
HELEN: a week ago, Mia was a normal little kid.
Clarisse: She has never been normal. She was born royal. And we cope with the press ever single day and we will do it again.
HELEN: you don’t have to do this. You can get out of this whole thing right now.
Clarisse: your mother is right, Amelia. We had a bargain.
MIA: all right. I will think about it and let you know soon.
Clarisse: good. A diplomatic answer. Polite, but vague.
Man: Mia Thermopolis is the daughter of local eclectic artist HELEN Thermopolis. They currently live in a refurbished firehouse south of Market Street. Mia is also the only grandchild of Queen Clarisse Renaldi whose husband, King Rupert, passed away last year. This is nelson.
Lilly: hello? Princess? You’re the most popular girl in school. Everybody wants to take your picture. So I’ve made a list of all the reasons for you not to be a princess. Number one: no privacy, number two: you always have to look just right. Number three…
MIA: what is number three?
Lilly: number three, you can’t go nutso. You can’t be all “Bleah” during the day.
MIA: Lilly, I really don’t want to talk about this at the moment, ok?
Lilly: just one last question. Now that you’re “out”, would you come on my cable show on Saturday night?
MIA: yeah, sure.
Lilly: I love you! Ok! I’ll buy you another charm for your charm bracelet.
MIA: Joe! I don’t want to run my own country. I just want to pass 10th grade. So can’t I just tell everyone that I simply quit?
Joe: no one can quit being who they really are not even a princess. Now, you can refuse the job but you are a princess by birth.
MIA: how can I tell if I can even do the job?
Joe: by simply, simply trying. Like the fancy dinner coming up. She thinks you are ready.
MIA: really?
Joe: shall we practice entering like a princess?
MIA: ok. Entering.
Joe: at the grand ball, you enter with the queen but at the state dinner, you enter unaccompanied. Shoulders back. Smile. They’re all happy the see you.
BARON: Ah, there she is.
BARONESS: How is she?
BARON: You are much prettier.
Joe: well done. The worst is over. Our diligent Prime Minister, Sebastian Motaz.
MIA: nice to meet you!
Joe: and his lovely wife Sheila.
MIA: nice to meet you!
Joe: and their charming daughter Marissa.
MIA: nice to meet you!
Charlotte: oh! Lord Fricker, let me take your brandy glass. You won’t need it in there. And easy on the schnapps. Remember the Winter Dinner.
Marissa: I’m not allowed to go to the party.
Joe: dinner is served.
MOTAZ: HER Majesty, Queen Clarisse.
BARON: someday we will own Genovia again and you will be queen. And your face will be on a postage stamp.
Clarisse: how were the children?
Man: would you like to see them, ma’am? There’s Ryan and Bridget.
Clarisse: oh, they are beautiful. Would you like to see?
Princess Palisades: so, Mr. Prime Minister, how would you say the pear market is doing in Genovia?
Prime Minister: The Genovian pear Markey is blossoming if you’ll pardon the pun.
MIA: you want to see me?
Clarisse: is everything all right?
MIA: um, yes, yes.
Clarisse: what’ was happening with the ice bucket?
MIA: I just had a little clumsy moment. The food is delicious, by the way.
Prime Minister: between the courses to cleanse the palate.
MIA: I am sorry. It is a little cold.
Sheila: she didn’t realize it was frozen.
Prime Minister: what should we do?
Sheila: well, we should take that much, too. Just do the same thing.
MIA: no! No! It’s cold!
Clarisse: have you ever experienced that instant headache when you eat ice too quickly?
Man: no.
Woman: wash your hands.
MIA: I’m sorry.
Man: it happens all the time.
Prime Minister: I would like to propose a toast to the Baroness and Baron Von Troken. May you always be Baron.
Man: ahh, the famous Genovian pear and cheese dessert.
Clarisse: what else?
MIA: sorry, I let you down, dad.
Clarisse: this place was such a mess when I first arrived. I’ve been spending every spare moment in it I can. Pick up one of these. Make yourself useful. Spray everything.
MIA: you’re not mad at me for what happened?
Clarisse: Actually, I found it rather funny reminds me of my first royal dinner party. I accidentally knocked over a suit of armor and the spear went right through the sucking pig. Amelia, why don’t we cancel lessons for today and just have some fun?
MIA: fun? You’re not too busy for something like that?
Charlotte: your Majesty, Lady Jerome has arrived and I have the French Consulate’s assistant on hold. He wants to confirm tonight’s dinner.
Clarisse: send my apology. Cancel everything for today. I’m being shown San Francisco by a true San Franciscan. Tell Joseph I’ll need the car.
Charlotte: yes, ma’am.
MIA: oh, wait! I want to show you my baby.
Clarisse: I haven’t sat in the front seat of a car in the longest time.
MIA: by the way thanks for the money for my car, Grandma.
Clarisse: so, where are you taking me?
MIA: well, do you have any change?
Clarisse: no. it’s not appropriate for royalty to jingle.
MIA: ok. I’ll get the change. Oh, this one is my favorite. You put the quarter in and grab his hand.
Clarisse: I touch that?
MIA: yes, you touch that! And then you press the button and then you just go.
Clarisse: looks like Rupert’s cousin from Liechtenstein. How do I know when it is ready?
MIA: oh, it’ll just go. There you go!
Clarisse: you enjoy this humiliation?
MIA: well, it’s hard the first time but you can do it again.
Clarisse: hold this.
MIA: oh, come on! You can do it, Grandma!
Clarisse: I’m ready for you this time!
MIA: yeah, you got it! Give me five!
Clarisse: oh, I want just one of these. Just not this one.
MIA: so…did my father always want to be a prince?
Clarisse: oh, yes. Except once, about 15 years ago he seriously considered renouncing his title because he met a lovely artist who showed him wonderful things about how life could be and how he could be.
MIA: but?
Clarisse: but he had a decision to make and nobody could make it for him. Not I, though many people thought I did, or anybody else. Phillip knew that my firstborn his brother Pierre, wanted to abdicate which he did, eventually, to join the church. Your father realized that the love he could have for one person or even two could not make him forget the love, he felt for his country and his people. It was the hardest thing he ever had to do.
MIA: do you want a bite of this?
Clarisse: why not? Well, here goes. Why, it’s delicious!
MIA: really? Let’s get another one! I know it is the fastest way back to the consulate but I hate this hill!
Clarisse: I do believe I’m beginning to feel that corn dog. Maybe you can just sneak gently through? Right, now, blaze on up.
MIA: I got it!
Nun: 911, I need to report an accident. They put me on hold, oh, for the love of god!
CONDUCTOR: you didn’t hear the bell!? Put down destruction of public property.
Policeman: I will, I will. And last but not least, driving without a license, accompanied by an adult whose license expired 45 years ago.
Clarisse: I’ve been trying to tell you, officer. Licenses don’t expire in Genovia. Not for the queen. Don’t I have diplomatic immunity?
Policeman: you do. But her we have to take downtown.
MIA: what?
Policeman: I’m sorry, miss
Clarisse: it’s all right, officer. I understand perfectly.
MIA: you do?
Clarisse: Mia, no town, no city, no country can function peacefully if its officers and its transportation engineers don’t follow the letter of the law. Why, I would be proud to have two such fine, honorable gentlemen serving in Genovia.
Policeman: ma’am, we’re not all that.
Clarisse: oh, but you most certainly are. As a matter of fact I would like to bestow upon you the honor of the Genovian Order of the rose. Would you please kneel? Does anybody have a saber?
MIA: I have an emergency brake.
Clarisse: this will do fine, thank you. With the power vested in me by the royal crown of Genovia I dub Arthur Washington and Bruce Macintosh masters of the Order of the Rose. And all of you bear witness to this auspicious moment in history. Please rise.
Policeman: wait till I go home and tell Bernice.
Clarisse: now, Mia, I know you don’t want to go all the way downtown, but…
Policeman: that really won’t be necessary. No one got hurt, did they? Do you need a lift home?
Clarisse: oh, that would be very helpful, thank you. Come along, Mia. Good-bye, trolley people!
MIA: please take the car to Doctor Motors? You were awesome! You are the coolest queen ever!
Clarisse: all in a day’s work.
MIA: would you like to slide in first?
Clarisse: I never slide.
Little girl: may I have your autograph, please?
MIA: the princess is late for algebra.
Joe: the pack is back. Are you ready?
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